i would give spencer pratt a bj just so i could bite his dick off
he'd just find a way to get more famous from being a eunich.
shhh. i hid the ranch dip behind the rooster. don't tell anyone that way you can find it in the morning and it won't be all eaten.
wrong number but thanks
you need to know that there is a kid here wearing an i mosh for Jesus shirt
It is 9pm, let the ass parade to the bars begin
Dude just pulled his dick out and started stroking it and making s sound like cocking a shotgun....wtf was in those e pills
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Got a text that the fed tax return dropped into my account just before getting on the first leg of my flights the Vegas. Fate? Viva Las Vegas!
They invented a new game at work. Its called guess if I'm baked, hungover, drunk, or some combination of the three. Its surprisingly very difficult..
I assume some self respect is too lofty of a gift idea
My bank account got hacked so he showed up with a 6 pack wearing a superman cape to cheer me up and you question why I love him?
So I definitely fucked a guy while holding on to his pigtails like reigns last night.
The most literal cowgirl position ever.
Finally hooked up with her. She bought me tacos after because "she can do better in a bed". You're gonna be my best man.
I am one with the molecules
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
Literally I can feel my heart beat in my vagina because of how sore I am
Randomize