Alarm just got pulled in my exam
Swear it wasn't me
One of my friends found 6 bags of gummy bears on the roof. He lives a building over. Apparently even hammered you still have quite an arm
she said "the two best ways to sober up are to nurse someone or give a blowjob" and im gonna go along with it.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I'm still tasting pancake mix. I think this may actually be a serious medical problem...
My booty call just put me down for a reference for her job at the hospital. What am I supposed to say? She gives great bj's?
She was throwing my stuff away and then before I knew it she was sucking my dick. It was like some fucked up sour patch kids commercial
The ratio of last drink to last smoke is so tricky. This could go on until the booze is gone
It's really not cool dreaming about going into labor with your ex boyfriends love child as you're sleeping next to him.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
My doctor actually said I was suffering from an "acute hangover" in doctor's note I asked him for....what a douche
What section do you want to sit in? The screaming girls section or the "when you guys were popular I was straight and pretended not to like you guys" section?
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
Why is there cereal literally EVERYWHERE?
It didn't follow directions.
Randomize