Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I just walked in on my roommates playing baseball with old vegetables and a bigass knife.
we made out at a charity event. really i was helping the fight against aids...
It made me think of you cause he just screamed "CAPTAIN PLANET" a lot and kicked people in the balls.
So basically, I've just woken up in another random bed and I go to get my pants and he's wearing them. Like my underwear is in them... What the fuck is wrong with my life?
Do you want the fat one with an ok face or the skinny ugly one?
It doesn't matter as long as our shame is in tandem.
Check 'smoke weed with our ihop waiter' off of our To-Do List
Lets just say...I plan on being a bigger shitshow than Miley Cyrus at the VMA'S
I just referred to our excessive fireball consumption as a team building exercise and everyone in group text agreed.
We're not alcoholics, we're a god damn team.
Well, if it makes you feel any better I'll be drinking tequila and doing lines on Halloween. Just like old days.
Well, we 69'd in the Jacuzzi. If that tells you the kind of night I had. Neither of us knew we could hold our breath that long. Deff. Most. Dangerous. Sex. Ever.
6 showers laters and I still feel like I have his vomit in my vagina. At least I could help him figure out he's gay.
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
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