This is your Morning Wood Report: I have it.
Last night Brynn convinced every person at the party wearing glasses that they stole hers, and she woke up with 8 pairs of prescription glasses in her bag.
I wonder if they've ever made a porno about the song "she'll be comin' round the mountain when she comes"
fuck your aforementioned shoe
Keeping my bail papers as a souvenir from when I was arrested. Too weird?
she refused to get out of the dog cage till we sang "be our guest" to her.
For gods sake, I only took one. With two nyquils. What a happy world its been today. Fulfill your obligations and then its marvelouso.
My bed is full of blood and feathers
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
This is three metal detector wands away from being the strangest porn I have ever been in the audience for.
Last night you referred to my vagina as a gym for your penis
I'm not getting off this floor. I love this floor
Sooo, did you delete me cause I said I wouldn't babysit you while you did shrooms? You're a grown man.
I balled in the shower for 20 minutes, rolled up to the meeting late looking like a gremlin, and my one night stand was standing there in a suit
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
