So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
How do u explain cocaine to a 9 year old?
i was mowing the lawn and found the coffee pot in the bushes
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Besides the whole peeing blood for a week thing, it was the best sex of my life.
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We're stealing the mannequin. He's my new swimming partner.
only in a texas roadhouse would someone whistle while I was breastfeeding.
I keep thinking your bag of thongs is a bag of chips. So mad I can't eat them.
He left his cock-ring in my truck.
Consider it a gay sex souvenir.
I broke her handcuffs. I feel like an animal.
My entire news feed is ice bucket challenges. I wish there was a hide from feed button like FarmVille
I do have a history of lying to Customs. I once convinced them I was an astronaut.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
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