oh. my. god. the guy i hooked up with last night is currently wearing a dress.
i'm the matthew mcconaghey of this party. i'm too old, and too high.
WHY DOES GOD HATE MY DICK
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
My choices this week make me realize that I need to copyright the term "cock buffet"
I'm telling you the guy came in bought a box of condoms and all three of the chicks that came in behind him followed him to his car. I want his life
Its so hard looking at my mom and pretending I'm not dying a slow death of binge drinking
She told me she needed to clarify that we are not fuck buddies, we are best friends that have sex once in a while
You kno how some people just need a "everything will be alright" pat on the back? I need an "everything will be alright" blowjob right now. Come over
Very impressive. My GPA is the same amount of orgasms I can offer tonight (valid only tonight): 3.5
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
Why are there naked heterosexuals in my apartment?
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