new number. flushed my phone last night when i puked, made B help me look for it for 2 hours.
My wife all of the sudden got markedly better at giving blow jobs. Should I be happy or concerned?
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
Had a 3 sum last night, and today food just taste better and the air seems so much fresher!
Just found my DARE notebook from 6th grade. Extacy was starred and highlighted.
At least I've made one childhood dream come true
Yo I'm texting you while getting a bj. I know, I'm the man. Told her I was texting my mom in the hospital.
I wish the sun would stop judging me for being drunk while it's still shining.
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Also, yes, I look pretty rough. But my ovaries fought back this morning so getting dressed decently was not a priority.
Not going to lie: not even the fact I'm wearing men's cargo pants can hide the fact I have an awesome ass.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I just masturbated while watching Say Yes to the Dress
This is what my life has come to
So in hindsight, going through the McDonald's drive thru plastered at 4 a.m. on stolen bikes was a bad idea.
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
Randomize