Why do girls always cry at the bar?
What's the point of going out if you're going to cry all night?
Are they having an exestensial crisis at the bar?
her name is jenna, so i wanna cunt punt her
that's how i am about ashleys and britneys
Maybe she gives good head
A girl who still calls a dick a "wiener"cannot possibly give good head
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
after last night, i judge her for not breaking up with me
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
just found deep spiritual meaning in spongebob.... that high.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
took off my bra and popcorn fell out of it. im gonna puke at this wedding...
Wait also totally unrelated but can horses sit down?
I just tried to picture one and I don't think they can cause I can't envision it
What do you want to swallow. Press 1 whiskey press 2 rum
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I'm not a morning person, and, trust me, no matter how good your cock may be, it will not turn me into one.
I woke up at 5am on my couch, naked, with a cereal bowl of water next to me. Apprently, drunk me thought I was a kitten last night. Super impressed I slept next to the bowl all night and didn't spill a drop.
I look forward to getting really drunk tonight and startling some rando’s mother tomorrow morning while she’s up early making a turkey
It’s a holiday tradition at this point
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