That guy youre talking to looks like Brian from Family Guy.
We should write a comic book about the many adventures of your vagina. Maybe even give it a cape or something.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
Dude also, my grandma got me condoms for easter and kind of winked. I don't know what to think
she's sitting alone using her breathalyzer as a kazoo. help.
can you come back were all locked out and alyssia's still inside passed out on the floor but more importantly i left a beer in there that's not finished
Omg, looked at my call history, and judging by the times of calls it took me like half hour to walk home frommcds
Completely smashed, masturbating to the view of the ocean. Family vacations are more tolerable than I thought
I had a dream last night where I used the marginal product rule to figure out how much more hangover I got per sip of four loko, econ is taking over my life...
I woke up with her dog licking the wedding cake out of my ear and her sister finishing our Jaeger
So it's safe to say that it's all down hill from here
Do you mean easy livin or downward spiral of alcoholism and disappointment
Every time I start to trust vodka, it does this to me.
I'm pretty sure that my eyebrow is going to be swollen from a sex injury tomorrow and possibly a black eye. If it forms that way it wiil be the second time. Different eyeball. Different decade.
I remember the Prince Albert and the three penises in the threesome. But the rest no.
I bet he’d be surprised by the epic blow job he’d get if he stopped talking about his wife long enough for me to get in the mood
Randomize
