i can't help myself.. i am just so in love with the kitchen manager.
...he was wearing JNCO shorts.. i'm pretty sure i saw the dragon.
dude, she masturbates with a ken doll.
The cop refused to sing with us, even though he was as happy as we were that the tow truck finally showed up.
he sent me this 10 second long video of a gorilla eating a banana on my phone. no explanation. I didn't even have his number. just. a gorilla eating a banana.
Just mixed my liver cleanse with Bacardi. Best. Thing. Ever.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
You may have graduated college on time, but my 6th year ass gets to see awesome tits every day just for showing up.
that freshman chick we always see on the weekends walked into art class wearing a jaegermeister shirt and holding a monster, which she proceeded to shotgun with a pair of scissors. It sickens me to know I will never achieve her level
I WOKE UP IN A FUCKING DOG BED HOW DO YOU THINK I FEEL
Trying to roll joints on a seadoo in the middle of a lake on a windy night. -Juststonerthings
Rule #36, branched off rule 4: Dave stays on a leash in crazy settings. It keeps him good and gets you laid.
So essentially he's like a puppy you can bring to a bar? Retractable leash or chain then?
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
That falls under the "unwelcome penises" category. Also that's definitely a sentence I never thought I would say
I just matched with a taco on tinder. Dreams come true.
Randomize
