So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
I started drinking at 10.30am. Ive got a solid buzz, ive decided holidays are to be treated like gamedays
You going out tonight?
No I am at the hospital. Throwing up blood is apparently frowned upon.
Judging by the crutches in the living room I take it you two are fine and we aren't going out tonight?
Seriously? What part of meeting at Oktoberfest while I'm wearing a dirndl, double fisting, and making out with random guys screams "i'm girlfriend material"?!
The leasing office is hiring, so I gave them my resume and class schedule. I doubt they'll call me considering last summer at their "exotic animal" pool party I marched in with a funnel and demanded the employees chug. I doubt they've forgotten.
At what point does "I'm too high to deal with you right now" stop being rude?
I feel like the way dolphins mate would be the approach that a guy would have to use in order for you to sleep with them
He fucking took my shirt off and didn't even touch my boobs. What the actual fuck.
Oh I know babe. You're shining beacon of adult responsibility. That's why I go down on you.
I go down on you because abs
You don't have issues. You're a consenting adult having sex at work. Go you.
He's watching Always Sunny and eating refried beans straight from the can.
Would it be inappropriate to meet you at the airport after your family vacation so I can tell you all about the amazing sex I have been having?
I Projectile vomited a massive question mark on Brent's bedroom wall. Don't tell him it was me. I want him to play the whodunit game.
Randomize
