if i had a dollar for every time ive had to piece a night together like they did in "the hangover", i bet i could outsell their weekend box office earnings...
if there werent so many compromising pictures of me in the hands of so many liberal friends, id consider going into politics
I made myself breakfast and everything and then whoever's house it actually was came downstairs very upset.
I have glitter on my penis. Do you know anything about this?
it's like doing a sit-up... but, you're inside someone
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
i got shots of sambuca dumped on my head last night. my bag still smells like licorice. making me nauseous.
it is a nice little reminder of the bruins dominance. if Vancouver had won, it would somehow smell of maple syrup.
sleazy september. first one with mono loses.
i have learned 4:30 is too early to start pregamming for the midnight harry potter
He pulled a condom out of his satchel and i questioned my entire life.
Our motto for the night: BLACK OUT OR BACK OUT.
That's our motto every night.
The dick pic bandit just sent me a poem about showering..
now that we broke up we are playing hot potato with the cock ring.. Poor thing just needs a home
I'm in the woods tripping balls the water is rising why don't you answer me
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
