He's telling me stories about how he made out with a 14 yr old when he was 22. I'm going home.
I let some guy put hot sauce in my asshole for his birthday
I feel like tequila is Gods way of lighting my fuse to do something awesome
I can mark tailgating, going to the game and getting road head off my to do list today
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just did the classiest thing ever.
last time you said that you got chlamydia.
I am drunk as shit eating pancakes. I am not the person to call.
The girl next to me in class is taking notes on woman's suffrage with a girls gone wild pen.
We are lost. Everyone is drunk and it all went downhill after we iced the bus driver.
If it makes you feel any better, i gave her boyfriend a blowjob last week.
ALL CAPS CUZ ITS SERIOUS SHAME.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
It's ok, I did squats with my bottle of wine before I opened it. That counts as the gym since I won't be getting there haha
will you help me invent vagina-safe pop rocks?
Randomize
