And mexicans. My burrito likes you.
come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Btw, I'm really high so I apologize if anything I say gets translated into arabic.
Our phone convo was getting intense. Then I heard her say "quiet mommy is trying to have phone sex"
Your scrotum should have touched every square inch of that place by now. Start with the water fountain.
Mom just Facebook checked into an Applebees at 2am. Caption: ''WITH THE BESTIEZ.''
You're right. Single life welcomed me back with open arms. It's like it knew it wasnt going to be long when I left.
He screamed AMERICA, took a shot of vodka out of a Tupperware container, and then asked if he could see my tits
FYI your bra is now hanging in the hallway as a trophy.
I woke up naked under desk at her apt once during my freshman year. I should have known that friendship was of a different breed...
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
He said the pain stops when I get my shit together and stop being a drugged out alcoholic mess. Could have just said no.
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Randomize