He invited me to see "alison wonderland" WHAT THE FUCK THATS NOT A FIRST NAME/LAST NAME TYPE DEAL
She was so wet my fingers were literally pruney when I got done with her
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
I can't believe you broke a Paula dean wooden spoon over my ass
I'm playing a little game called "how many shots of jack can I take before I become a shit show tonight". All front row seats are sold out.
just reminessing about the wedding and were they seriously to tight to serve a meal oorrrrrr was it just another one of my black-out-by-dinner drunks
the fact that you actualy have a 'black-out-by-dinner drunk' is a bit deserving..
YOU ARE TAKING ADVANTAGE OF MY INEBRIATED STATE
YOU ARE DRUNK AND USED AND SPELLED THE WORD "INEBRIATED" CORRECTLY. I AM TAKING ADVANTAGE OF NOTHING.
I CAN'T HELP THAT I'M MULTITALENTED YA FUCKER
You should hear the lecture my mom just gave me about cooking pizzas when im drunk because "I could have died".
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
Just peed in the fountain while its snowing. Fell flat on my ass, literally my butt naked ass in a pile of snow. It's safe to say I'm done with drinking on weekdays
Went outside and he was playing rock paper scissors with a cop over a drunk in public ticket.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
I think it's safe to assume that dad heard you lose your lesbian virginity last night
I love you man I just want to hold you and fuck you until you only know my name
I don't know who you are but HOW THE FUCK DID YOU GET MY NUMBER
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