what are u so afraid of ive smelled ur poop before
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
He cant even get with danielle. Thats like striking out in t-ball
So after we got done with our cardiac arrest patient, I thought how awesome would it be to hook up the defibrillator pads to cook a burrito.
dude... how have they not drug tested you yet?
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
i'm using salt from the free peanuts to stop the bleeding.
I love that my brother has just convinced my dad that smoking a blunt it an "unspoken family tradition"
It was one of those "wake up holding a random metal flower" kind of nights.
dude she got out of bed and definitely took a shit then checked her stomach out in the mirror and whispered "well that probably took off five pounds"
Would it be a good deed to leave a 32 pack of bud light next to a bum sleeping in the park?
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
Bring me that man meat
Why were you doing tequila shots out of Boston Pizza dip containers?
He just told me my boobs made up for all the bad things that had ever happened to him. I'm definately having sex with him again.
screwing the intern at work sucks when u find out the boss is too. She is a smoking hot though
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