you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
and everytime i fart i feel like in your heart, you can hear it
There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
We smoked a joint and talked about his parent's divorce. It was like being fifteen all over again.
my life is one jail cell away from being a bad country music song.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
Just got a blowjob on the pier where my great-grandfather entered America.
I feel like I owe it to them to wear pants.
Do you think he stole that soccer trophy that he gave you for the "best sweater award" from his five year old son?
For once I am not in the mood. My vagina is good with life at the moment.
The apocalypse has arrived.
Alcohol and IMDB don't always mix with 100% accuracy
The coke machine at work is laughing at me. Literally. I just heard laughter from the coke machine
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
I don't want to hook up with him sober. That's pretty much like saying I love you.
Randomize
