I just stuffed five dollars in my near empty box of camels to remind myself to buy more. And my mom says I don't budget my money
So I had a Liz Lemon moment today....went to Chipotle to get my "cheer me up" burrito bowl for the 4th time this week and the chipotle guy sighed and said always the same huh?
Why is there a case of Coors Light with my address on it?
I feel like you just avenged me for every guy who came in my hair
he asked me if i "normally slept like that" because i was curled up in a ball facing the wall. then he told me that i woke up in the middle of the night and said "oh my god. i forgot you were here." how did he not understand that i didn't want him in my bed.
i know im back at school when i can poke any random spot on my body and expect a 80% chance that theres a bruise there
you try finding a go kart track at 4 AM on Thanksgiving
I am fine. Katie thinkr i broke things pole dancing. I am coherant.
As a general rule, drunkenness and gymnastics do not mix.
If I have to go to the hospital, at least put my pants back on. It's been a fantastic night.
But you're the one who should be jamming foreign objects into my vaj instead of an old weird lady. I mean, it is your birthday....
I dnt think she needs convincing on the threesome part, it's the threesome with your roommate situation that needs some work
All I can think about are the cheese it's on my desk at work this morning. Like are those apologetic cheese it's or does he seriously think he still has a shot..
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
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