i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
I just peed on my pajamas. Its gonna be a long night. Don't forget the cookies.
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
So here i am dipping ice cream in my vodka and watching the bad girls club on demand. This is not ok
i think i traded my wallet for a tim hortons gift card.
I'm sorry you couldn't sneak away today. You're the only guy I'm fucking that I can talk with about the other guys I'm fucking, and I need some advice
To my ex and my favorite mistake: I totally enjoyed hearing you have erectile disfunction via baby monitor!
Can't a woman sleep on the floor in her own apartment in peace without being judged?
So I stappled myself into my toga... that should be interesting getting out of later tonight...
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Are you good with a knife? I need someone to perform amateur surgery.
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
Randomize
