Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
You know, I never expected to find myself with a roommate who I'd have to ask not to have sex while I'm in the room. And yet, here we are.
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Pretty sure I can show you the text you sent me stating some interest in my penis entering your mouth if said circumstances were met.
I saw your relationship status and wanted to write "Now you can fuck with some peace of mind that she isn't giving that other guy she met online a handjob."
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
The joke is on me because whale penis is forever in my search history.
Worth it.
We had sex on a dog bed..
I'm missing my left shoe, and there's a note on my foot (in my handwriting) that says "HAHA BITCH" Any explanation for this?
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It's been so long since I had sex I might propose to the next girl who will sleep with me.
They left me at home... I'm a liability
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
Randomize
