you know you are hungover when... you set your alarm for the next time you think you are going to throw up
You kept yelling that her vagina looked like a hatchet wound.
She was holding a turtle doing a beer bong out of a flower watering can.
You were throwing ham at people telling them you were the sandwhich fairy
I think showering with 5 people and a half gallon of vodka was one of the best decisions we have ever made.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
hey if you're going to the hospital do you wanna pick me up a taco on your way back
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
30-degree weather + Metal Cockring Monday = really hard to pee.
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
We were making fun of some people having sex on the beach, an hour later we were having sex on a golf course
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
I’m home. Please don’t call me unless you have an arterial bleed or you’re on fire. Love you 😘
Quick question: now that you've broken up, should I also delete the nudes your boyfriend sent me while you were together??
Randomize
