She has more profile pics than tagged pics. narcissism at its best.
Just bought a beer belt to complete the Captain America outfit. I will do my part as a hero of America to pass out beer to the good citizens of America.
He kept calling my vagina a magic clam, and it was speaking to him, telling him to feed it his penis. I played along.
I tried to get you something for Valentine's Day too but they said they couldn't deliver skittles and ecstasy :(
I don't know... But I do think this is probably the longest series of texts we've written discussing your cock. David was right, it is a brave new world. Also, slow day at work again?
Friendly reminder that on the walk home you tripped but instead of falling to the sidewalk, you tried to save it and ended up headbutting my ex-boyfriend in the balls. ILU.
so hungover. I'm actually considering eating the snow off the roof so I don't have to leave my bed
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
Being a slave to ur dick is exhausting.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
His baby mama found the pictures of us, she couldn't see my face but she could see my asshole. So I'm safe.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
Of course he's seen my tits, I wave those things around like a trump supporter does an American flag
She handed me scissors and told me that they were the ones with the lowest probability of having been used to trim someone's pubes.
Randomize
