One can only hope that this night would end with my thumb in another humans rectum.
if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
And then the cop told me my court date was on 4/20. I said come onn u really gunna do me like that
just got carried INTO the bar by 4 people. it's like watching my weekend in reverse.
I thought turtle was a code word for weed until he pulled out a baby turtle from his pocket and said "$20 for a turtle"
I gave his parents a candle as a thanks for letting me hang out there all the time. Which i guess is more accurately a thanks-for-letting-me-fuck-your-son candle
Bad idea to be in a car concussed. I just described his dick as an elevator. I think i meant escalator, i dont know
definitely just forgot to put car in park in front of a police officer and ran into a bush.
There something about a girl that pirates lemonade off a restaurant fountain as a mixer that I find intriguing.
The only people in the library at 5:00 on the friday after finals are homeless or pre-med.
Dear God, please let me get my period. And if this one is fiercer than usual I completely understand.
I plan on blacking out and milking a cow
I think I've had more sex in your bed than you have and I've only been here three days
I feel a blackout coming on
Plz don't have me burst into your house saying you're late for re airport to rescue you from a fat girl again
That was 2 times
Can you confirm that you aren't dead?
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