I'm smoking weed out of a trumpet
I just did a slip and slide down the hall way of my apartment building
Tie
It's hard for me to sext him when the picture i see on my phone when he texts me is his facebook default of him and his girlfriend.
Women are fucking wierd. I have forgotten this. Divorce papers should come with a handbook.
I think ill wear my dads dashiki but make it sluttier. We shall see
So what's going on?
We hit boys town to get stupid. I mean invading Iraq stupid.
We were high as balls fucking in the back seat when we saw the blue lights. He's like, "I got this" and walked over butt ass naked and goes, "Sorry dude, we're just banging" and the cop apologized for disturbing us and drove off.
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
You took a selfie with my hard dick and sent it to Scott with the caption 'Toldja'. It was hard to forget you're a teenager after that
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
You don't usually get feedback after a one night stand... But you hit it out of the park. I'm proud to call you a friend.
HIS DICK IS GLORIOUS AND I WANT TO RIDE IT TO VALHALLA
What are we just gonna be those girls that get fucked in your parents basement and not get taken to dinner? I don't wanna be those girls.
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
Yep, you're going to hell.
I take on this great possibility with a beer in one hand and the girl I'm gonna fuck later in the other
Randomize
