I'm think I may have given your ex's number to a convicted sex offender.
Win!
theres bread in your mailbox im going to eat it
nevermind its newpaper
suntimes in life you find a rare opportunity, mine was bonin my gf in front of the tv
i woke up at 5 am and found myself wrapped in christmas lights that were plugged into the wall.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
nothing like baby laughter to ruin a masturbation moment
Taking shot for every red box on your worst bracket. I have 30. I might die tonight.
Ordered a large pizza and definitely just paid the cab driver in pizza slices. I'm glad there's someone out there that's just as fat at heart as we are.
Between the booze, mechanical bulls, and penis's I think my body hates it when I'm single
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
Is it weird to say that getting an std with you was kinda romantic?
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
Maybe. I want to have sex at the fire station, most likely on one of the trucks. I wonder if I can finagle that before I tire of the spelling and grammatical errors in his texts.
Dude you're fine. You're 5 minutes away from your house and you're eating fig newtons
Let's get drunk and take out your tonsils tonight
Randomize
