That's why girls suck all the time. Blah blah nag nag drama drama buy me things but I won't touch your penis
"Tonight I'm turning swine flu into an std" this might be how zombies come about. Peace civilization.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Your braces fetish is going to end up biting you in the dick.
no i do not regret standing at the wendys drive thu handing the employees mardi gra beads to get free chicken nuggets
I don't think he grasps the fact that I would much rather he finish inside me than on my $400 Anthropolgie bedspread
I mean really it's like when you're super hungry and you can't decide what to eat, you just know you want food. This is that situation, but for my vagina
its the kind of pain that only someone with a fucking elephant on their head would understand. I'm never drinking again.
I used to put Bugles on my penis and pretend it was a wizard.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Sean slept in the bushes beside my house again. Any reason he kept screaming/slurring 'it was all a bunch of goddamn lies' through out the night?
I think we've gotten passed awkward... the day I woke up at the palms and ur getting eaten out by the dude who just fucked me on the balcony.
LETS THROW SHIT OFF THE PORCH
She's going to jail in a few weeks but she just got a boyfriend. Yet I'm still single as fuck.
Hey, what's the French word for when you meet your boyfriend's friend and you have that gut feeling that you smoked pot naked in a hot tub with him at a house party years ago?
Randomize
