He's so far in the closet he's in Narnia
How am I still drunk? Whoever said breakfast is the most important meal obviously didn't skip dinner and go drinking.
boyfriend # 1 is in the bathroom and boyfriend # 2 is ringing the doorbell need back up this is not a drill i repeat this is not a drill
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
Currently siting in the living room naked, staring at one of the girls across the street in her living room naked. This is like the most intense starting contest of all time.
I crawled out his bedroom window, forgetting he lives in a split level and there is a 10 foot drop back there. I had to text him to come help me I twisted my ankle.
FINE YOU CAN EAT HOT WINGS WHILE WE HAVE SEX
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
He played me Kanye.. Speaking my love language.. He got a well deserved BJ
I hope a pyrotechnic goes off in your asshole and seals it shut for life.
Me too.
I gotta stop fucking the bouncers. We are running out of bars to go to.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
We could have fun in a cardboard box. Think of the damage we could do at an amusement park!
Randomize
