I wasn't pimping you out... I was helping you network!
I wish there was a Glade Plug-in for vaginas
All we had was a keg so we played edward nalgene-hands
i have a "get your shit together" dinner with my parents tonight. After that ill be down to party
Yes, she did suck your dick in the bathroom to wake you up.
Tell him next time im gonna be "disgrace to the family" drunk
Im so tired of dysfunctional exs fucking up my relationships with future dysfunctional exs
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
Watching the dude who probably knocked me up be all cute with his girlfriend on my couch. I am too nice, and I hate today.
The last two times I had sex with him I forgot who it was half way through
TYLER OWES ME SO MUCH
I LET A CREEPY MAN I DONT KNOW SUCK ON MY NIPPLES
Found this cake smashed up inside a box on the sidewalk. Im saying yes to adventure and eating some.
Taking a nap. Sidewalk cake kicked my ass. It had boston creme filling!
Found your bra
Where?
Hanging in the tree
he told me he wanted me to go see his cat. apparently i was more interested in playing with his cat then having sex.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
