I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
You're such a slut.
I prefer opportunist.
My roommate just called. He's in Miami and has no idea how he got there. He also has a ticket to Buenos Aires that he can't explain. I figured you'd have the explanation.
I miss waking up, opening the closet downstairs, and finding you inside passed out.
I don't remember what happened but judging from the contents of my pockets it had something to do with potatoes and glo in the dark condoms
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
I wanna get freshman fucked up and do shady things on the last Friday of my youth.
Having vodka and cokes for lunch at work today because absolutely ZERO fucks are being given.
It makes me really sad that some people start their saturdays running or biking instead of with 3 shots of tequila, a sausage biscuit, freaks & geeks and 2 orgasms.
What did he say?
NOTHING. GODDAMN HIM AND HIS MAGICAL PENIS!
No, it's ok. He's Greek. To him I'm just a light drinker, not an alcoholic.
I just remember yelling "BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS BODY SHOTS" while I was streaking
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
It was probably the most embarrassing moment of my life. But I had cleavage, so I'm good!
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
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