the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
I want to give you a handjob with my mouth.
Just invented new drinking game watching Hocus Pocus... everytime they say "virgin" wetake a shot and yell out "to j****"
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I dont even care how hung over I am, and how shitty this bus ride will be. That was the best sex of my life and it's a beautiful morning.
Imma do me. And by that, I mean I'm going to walk across campus still drunk at 9am on a Tuesday.
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
You told the entire smokers deck that you were blowing .08 now and anyone else willing later
I sent him a cookie cake that said "Congratulations you're not a father"
I need an office. I have big plans. I'm learning spanish this month.
And speaking of good acting I may have a sex tape now
Just found a note on the bed that said "Dear mittens, had to leave early I'll be back soon."
WTF? Are you mittens?
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Remember when I was real fucked up and said I would give up utensils and only use chopsticks for lent?...just got the reminder on my phone.
thanks for the bj man. also make sure you close the gate behind you. the chickens are out.
Randomize
