does your mom think i'm crazy? i just realized i played both the gay dad and the ex-jew card tonight. i blame the wine
so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
You closed the sidewalk off to pedestrians last night. With a glitter covered safety cone
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
Just did a drug deal on the toy aisle at walmart, Merry Christmas
Its like no one cares im drunk naked wet and ready to throw myself at some one hold on i found a solution to my problems
I love pie. Pie understands me and the spatula
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
he wouldnt let me in bed until i took off all the stickers i was covered in
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
also i don't know what you guys ate last night but he broke the toilet
He came over and fucked me while my conference call was on mute. Working from home is the best.
I just watched a magician wearing a fedora deep throat a balloon\n
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
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