She turned over and said "You smell like my dad, i just can't do this"
This threesome is so guaranteed that dinner feels like a charade
A lesson I learned in the hospital....when you masturbate while attached to a heart monitor, it scares the nurses a lot.
My walk of shame was far more interesting today. He's moving and was cleaning out his apartment, so not only was I carrying my clothes, I also walked away with 4 bottles of cheap wine and a jar of ragu.
Housing came buy and confiscated our shopping cart :(
I almost had to get my pinky cut off. Wow I'm so happy. We won beer olympics so i didnt hahaha
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
Hey. I thought you were saving your 80s playlist til marriage.
High me just had to pick the lock on my sisters room because I locked my vodka in there. I love vacation.
Also just throwing this out there I don't think anyone who brings another girl back to your bed to share with you can qualify as a frigid bitch
Well when I got home you were sitting at the table eating cold, leftover taco meat. I'd say you were pretty far gone by that time.
Really though. It's your life, live it how you want
And I do mostly. Which is why I'm now drunk in my room writing erotica
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
We were in a bathroom while 4 dudes compared dick piercings.
Buffalowww
On the way to have sex with my ex's roommate... I have hit a new low
Randomize
