so... how was it???
he had bart simpson sheets. he had itunes on shuffle and "don't worry be happy" started playing when he took his boxers off. sad to say i was neither worried nor happy
lady crackhead wearing pjs and a santa hat brushed the snow off my car at 7am saying "free of charge" the whole time
you sang the finger bang song from south park while fingering me. needless to say, kind of a turn off.
Birthday was great, I got entirely too drunk and made really poor life decisions. It was everything a birthday should be.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
It's so hard to find a shirt to wear out that is easily taken off, cut off my paramedics, but says "I'm a grown, respected woman"
I want to celebrate with you...
There's nothing I'd like more than a celebratory "The guy I'm doing just found out he's not a baby daddy" dinner.
I'm gonna make a therapist very happy and very wealthy this semester.
Yeah. Rock bottom was him passing out and saying "are you putting a condom on me?" and me covering his mouth and saying shhhhh
It is officially settled in my mind that fuck the hot grad student is THE goal this year
he never texted me back from last night. i think brining out the suction cup dildo was a mistake
he would snap chat his dick as like Harry Potter
I also farted in bed this morning and said, "I don't even care. My body deserves that."
I didn't have anyone to cheers so I tapped my beer on your fish tank... a little too hard
OMG OMG OMG!!!! I made his penis bleed!! I repeat I MADE HIS PENIS BLEED!!!!
Randomize
