u cheatin on me?
if i did i would try to upgrade babe.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
my dad just said 'either you're lying about your plans tonight or you kids are really lame nowadays'. maybe we should nix the singles saturday slumber party and go to a bar.
You texted the wrong number but that's probably the best call you'll ever make.
Romer got arrested for getting in a bar fight with a bus boy because he was trying to steal a keg, had it all the way to the car
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
First you say "it can't get any worse" and the next thing you know you've shat yourself on Christmas Eve.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
Dude Carly, it's like, inconvinent how often you cause me to have an erection
We were getting fries and you hopped the counter and yelled "WELCOME TO GOOD BURGER HOME OF THE GOOD BURGER" and threw up
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
You gave me the best orgasm of my life. I'm buying you a house
Welp just ran into my high school history teacher while buying a pregnancy test...there goes my veil of innocence in this town.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Does it look too obvious if I buy wine and candles!?! In my defense there is a gigantic snow storm coming.
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