im typing and i feel like my hands are on backwards.
Stop texting me, I'm right here.
I threw up under water while wearing a hockey helmet last night. Awesome.
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
They have a guy from new zealand living under their stairs.. they don't charge him rent. He just buys food and booze and bartends their house parties.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
I've only left my bed to pee and eat nutella out of the jar with my fingers
Apparently suggesting that she was the kind of girl who might be expected to kill someone's pets hurt her feelings...
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
Things I Learned Tonight: I have no future in goat wrangling. Herding. Whatever you call the ridiculosity that just transpired.
our jesse-walt dynamic is actualy really perfect because i want to start a small time drug empire and you want to get high a lot its very accurate
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
It was a good hour of moans, penis compliments, smacks, and what sounded like someone running in flip flops
Is there something wrong with us? Seriously.
Possibly, but I'd rather not fix it.
I just took like 30 condoms from the doctors office... no one can say I don't try to save my money.
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