No, when he said that he wished he had my eyebrows, THATS when I knew he was gay.
I'm now in all their contact lists as "Pee-Pee Hands"...
tequila makes me forget i have legs
I do have sympathy for you. It's just not going to manifest as a blow job.
I have an excuse to be a whore in Mexico. I'm conducting an experiment to see if small dicks are caused by the poor drinking water.
He was so drunk he was throwing the bowling balls into other lanes on purpose. He still beat my high score thought.
Want to get high and go thrifting? I'm trying to succeed making my dorm look like a deranged Applebees.
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
The other night he asked if I had a condom and I said I had an IUD. and he goes OMG A BOMB?
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
Pregnancy has ruined porn for me. I can't watch a hot chick get it on without being jealous of her perfectly waxed shit. I can't even see my shit.
Come home, I'm drunk on the porch and pretending to smoke breadsticks like cigarettes. Enticing, right?
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
