Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
I want to see you every morning in the kitchen ass naykid on roller blades making pancakes.
Stop sending me these texts. This is your mom, not your girlfriend.
Highlight of the day: realizing the man in the car next to mine was getting road head... at 2:45pm... nicely done sir, nicely done.
I know it's not your turn to do the dishes, but since they're covered in your puke, it is.
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
I would just watch. I wouldn't even have a boner cuz I would do so much coke. It would just be funny.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
I just want to have such an intense orgasm that my heart stops and I die. I mean that would kind of suck for the guy I'm fucking but then again he could be like "I'm that good"
She introduced me as that girl Nathan was fingering
We used to bone, but now she's my life coach.
After the bar we stopped to Meijer where I found myself singing little mermaid while rubbing a pack of hotdogs on my face..
Some guy at the bar last night bought us Arrowhead water and I was so drunk, it tasted good
Just did the "lost my phone, need #'s" post and I got a text saying "go ahead and save me as Ashley-DD because I know you will anyway. I think I love her.
oh what is to come when my single life starts with a threesome?
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
