Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
nothing says roomie bonding better than a sunday shroom trip.
It's was about average. But he had a tat on his thigh that said "pull-out n' rollout" so I won't have to worry about a round two request.
You should probably stop your little brother from ruining thanksgiving. I just caught him trying to stuff a cake in a drawer... And now he's puking.
We've only been here for 15 hours and our names are already on 2 separate police reports. We've also been given our "final warning" by the cops and hotel management.
We left the bar and you kept yelling "ONWARD SCION, TO GLORY!!"
When I am this hungover I become increasingly grateful for having my own private office
How are you feeling this morning?
Well, I just found day old puke in my bra, so I've been better.
I just found (and ate) a chunk of a reese's that fell between my boobs. Problem is that I finished those off 3 days ago in a drunk induced sob session... Has it really been that long since I changed my clothes?!
God I love dating single dads. They've got their shit at least a little bit together and there's always snacks after sex. #nakedfruitrollups
Got so drunk I broke my sink in half. Not. Lying.
Randomize
