K got coke dick during a threesome with two strippers. Say no to drugs.
I had a dream that the allstate guy hooked up with flo from the pregressive insurance commercials and she gave birth to the geico gecco. I need to stop taking ambian.
Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
You know that it's no longer pregaming if you don't go anywhere, right? That's just drinking alone.
You tend to look at life differently when you wake up to nutella vomit all over your room with no recollection of how it got there
You know how to spell recollection?
I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
no memory loss, but i'm unhappy with my memories
Talk about the highs and lows of a night out: had a threesome, then got robbed at knifepoint.
I'm doing lines by myself in the kitchen. I think your outside. yeah that's you. your naked.
This is going to ruin my future wedding planner career, but isn't it better the groom knows he's gay BEFORE he gets married?
i just came to a realization. Besides probably food, in my lifetime i think i have spent more money on legal fees than anything else
I can measure my amount of vomit in solo cups.
I mean, who doesn't have an ex involved with bath salts?
If you needed to get laid tonight all you had to do was ask
Randomize