i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
Silently passing ghastly beer farts as I move around the bridal department at Tiffany's. Call it my contribution to the holiday spirit.
there were at least 5 of us standing around the bathroom stall cheering you on to throw up.
Nothing like a little anal leakage to start off Sunday morning. Can't decide if that speaks well of my weekend or not...
There was a staple in my grits at waffle house last night. My knees are bruised as hell. And I puked pink all over my bathroom. Gooood night.
The underwear in the garbage is clean. Just wipe the pizza sauce off
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
If you were awake I would probably ride my bike over, fuck you like a god, leave you in the wonders of life, and bike home
It feels like I'm being stabbed in the uterus with a rake. That night was totally worth it though. Thanks.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
Besides you're a Tennessee fan and it'd be against my religion to have your penis inside me today.
SCOTCH AND CIGARS AT THE TITTY BAR. YOU ARE COMING WITH US.
Went to a club yesterday was dirty dancing with this guy, reached back to move my hair and punched him in the face.
ANTI-GAME
I am so proud to call you my friend
The only thing I remember about us having sex is yelling at him to choke me.
Throwing up in a storm drain... Not my finest moment.
But my shoes looked boss
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