Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
My 10 year old brother handed me a pack of condoms and said "here, i don't wanna be an uncle yet."
i dont think the girl sending me nudes is qualified to pass judgement on me
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
The beers last night were like the tears from god
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
WAIT DID YOU MAIL ME A KITTEN
Don't I can pass these orgasm blushes off as sunburn for much longer...
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
Did I really just send a work email with cum instead of come? feck me
Seriously? People are paying $45 for Surge?!? I've seen better one night stand decisions being made then the choices being made on amazon orders of Surge
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
Just tried to do a line with a snorkel I cut off... that is how my Aruba trip is going!
If Dr Phil has taught me anything about myself, it’s that I can seriously relate to those women who fake their pregnancies.
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Randomize
