We had to leave the bar because you were trying to show the bartender your boobs for water.
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I took a cab from the club to the grocery store. I needed peanut butter.
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
Then when he got home he face timed me and showed me his balls
My VP dropped me off at the Strip Club in Houston. Just said "I was never here".
someone just got arrested on campus...
holy fuck look at all that cocaine
The guy who was interviewing me asked if I had coke on my pants. You win this time Las Vegas
But what I'm actually thinking about is how everyone except me had sex on my bed this weekend and now I'm just sleeping in it with a 7 foot tall blue panda
I don't want to just break his heart, I want to dip it in liquid nitrogen and then smash it until it's powder and snort the powder
I fucking hate them. They came over and sat on me and made out. On top of me. Who the fuck does that?
I just smoked weed out of a tomahawk, then chased an armadillo with said tomahawk, I love my life.
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