We found an eightball on the ground last night. I mean, really, who does that?
why is pumping your own stomach in your searches on youtube?
The plus side of allergy season is that after our weekend coke binge my runny nose fits right in.
Exactly how does jacking off in my purse count as a 'early christmas present'?
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Maybe it was silver. I don't know. I was drunk sifting through my dogs vomit.
You told me to ditch them in the park, and when she jumped onto the car to stop us, you told me to scrape her off against a parked Jeep. That drunk.
We had a weird moment. Mid-sex he started talking. It went along the lines of "I. FUCKING. LOVE.....this condom..."
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
Stop studying come to the bar get drunk and help me figure out how to get home pretend there are commas in there someplace
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
Whatever. I have his dick. Haha how many girls can say they have a dildo replica of a guy they were seeing
Do you wanna fuck while my apple pie is in the oven?
He literally shouted this Viking war cry when he cam. Then as we laid there he sang me the most beautiful rendition of " When Irish Eyes are Smiling". I've never been more confused.
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