His sex texting was like a step by step guide to the most boring sex ever...
As long as you're not dating white guys again.
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
You screamed at all of us and then showed us your sack. You're like the boyfriend of my dreams.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
Last night, I accomplished the impossible. I pissed while riding my bicycle home without pissing all over myself. My Dutch friends gave me a round of applause and said I was now the king of holland.
Just to warn you I probably wont be able to do anything that involves standing up
It's like, "you literally have no idea who i am but i definitely slept with your brother in your bed."
So dude comes out in a full body leotard and a wand and announced he's king of the gays. Chicago is a weird but fun place
Yeah bc that's when u should take a Molly. At a house party with everyone from ur hometown
I'm trying to watch Chicago PD and tell you I like your dick at the same time. It's a lot of work, ok?
If I call him daddy should I get him a father's day card? Serious question
Are you still in his room?
Nope, yogged home at 8 am with one shoe on.
Apparently I have a "problem" because I enjoy doing bong rips in the shower
Randomize
