..now you can marry chaz and be in cher's family..
yeah n i dont have to pretend to be into chicks to do it now...
i wish they had a 'baby daddy' section in halmark, like, "hey, i know you didn't want this child and you're doing a horrible job, but here's to making you cry on fathers day"
I'm going to go hang out on a giant wooden pirate ship for 5 days.
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
I woke up at 6 on his trampoline wearing only a parka.
also. he gave me a foot massage during 69ing when i got a cramp. he's a winner.
How do I tell my child he was conceived on a barstool in South Alabama?
The front desk girl just had that condescending welcome-home-from-your-walk-of-shame face on
It was probably because you set your bra on the couter while you found your ID...
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
I'm wearing a utility belt filled with alcohol
I have no idea what happened last night, but my pee is neon green.
You know you're high when you find yourself sitting on the floor with the refrigerator door open, talking to various foods. Hand gestures and all.
I feel like your boyfriend deserves to know that you're a lesbian.
Makes hanging out interesting when she lights you on fire just to roll ontop of you to 'put you out'.
Randomize
