There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
i need you to recap everything for me beyond "i think i'm gonna try vodka-pong"
I slept with some guy because he drew a dinosaur on my arm
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
Congrats to the girl that left her positive preggo test in the bathroom...
i am exhausted. it's been years. we both know his dick is small. the jig is up.
I JUST WANT TO WATCH PORN BUT THE CAT IS JUST SITTING HERE LICKING HIS BALLS. I CAN'T DO IT.
You need to get here now. Before they realize I'm not puerto rican.
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
Yeah dude. Pulled out the couch and a bird flew at me. Please tell me who put a bird in my house.
why are our drunk alter egos so much more successful than us?
I found his belly button lint in my hair. Can't say it was worth it.
I am so sorry for drunk texting you r kelly lyrics
Well my unnaturally hairy chest finally came in handy. It took at least an hour to shave the american flag into my chest but I definitely went America all over that party
This is why you are going on a date. To see if he is fun or if we need to shank him in the parking lot.
Randomize
