I will give everyone a free pointer today. Here it goes, always pee by the house late at night to avoid getting shot by drunk bastards with guns. Never go by the tree line.
so im kinda of nervous about the whole bust inside event last night
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
I never once brought up his unibrow when he was insulting me. That's class.
he just chased his shot of tequila with a chicken nugget.. either its a canadian thing or hes wasted
So I just tried to wake him up with a blow job and he literally touched the top of my head and said snooze button
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
I just got released from jail. still in my kilt. bring pants damnit. they won't understand.
pants will make it better? really?
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
For future reference "bring our litter sisters on our date day" is not such a good idea
I'm having post-experience "why didn't I fuck her in a public bathroom" regrets
just like cleaning my room and being more organized in my life. more so just making sure a toaster doesn't end up in my car again for 2 months
You know what would have been funny if we got arrested last night? The inventory search of the lock box:\n\nContents:\n1 work ID\n1 33 round Glock magazine\n1 set of keys\n1 vibrator\n2 bags fruit snacks\n1 parking hang tag
A dozen fresh-baked cookies delivered to my dorm AND I don't have chlamydia or gonorrhea... Could this night get any better??
And my butt misses you like the deserts miss the rain.
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