What the hell am I supposed to do with 50 gallons of mayo?
yeah i was sneaking up to her room and on the way i saw a picture of her and left
It wasn't awkward until he started humming the Rocky theme song in the middle of fucking
What kind of friend are you? You don't even blackout anymore.
I could feel myself puking on my feet but it was so warm i didnt even care.
To do list: put blue gatorade in a windex spray bottle. spray it into my mouth in public so people think i'm drinking windex.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Pavlovs bj experiment 2012. Welcome to the program.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
His Instagram is like a gay porn blog all of the sudden got conquered by the Mormon missionary that he is
I have unfollowed so many people the only things showing up in my newsfeed are dog rescues and sloth memes
DONT YOU DARE YELL AT ME. YOU'RE THE ONE WHO TRIED TO PAY FOR THE CAB WITH YOUR PANERA REWARDS CARD.
I covered the puke with a shingle there's not many chunks. I think it will blend quickly.
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