i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
Theyre still fighting about whether its called america or the united states.
Spotted: forty year old in red dress, cigarette in hand, squatting to pee by railroad tracks. Hello future.
he kept bringing up different times we had sex and i wouldnt say anything back. i would never confirm nor deny the situation...like a politician ya kno
i'm dressed up like the coppertone baby and being hit on a guy in a monk costume. the irony is not lost on me.
he was walking around the bar drinking wild turkey and gobbling simultaneously
We found her naked passed out on the bathroom floor. She didn't even make it to the shower. She was clutching the bathroom rug.
Please tell me I didn't help an old woman shave her vagina last night. Please.
That's the least of the fucked up shit you did last night dude.
But mostly the blowjob in the airport bathroom was what I was laughing at.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
He deadlifted me and I came just a little at the apex
I'll be thirty in eight months. I think my goal is too stop changing my pants in the parking lot at work by then.
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
Tomorrow's lesson plan is going to be on hangovers and why drinking during the week is never a good idea. I hope my boss approves.
Randomize
