so... my grandma just told me i should be a stripper
well at least shes not calling you fat anymore
What happened to the watermelon?
You fucked it.
She calls her new ritual "bed, bath, and beyond crunk". Hence why I found her passed out in my bath tub this morning.
I'm done. I'm tired and there's a topless pic of me floating around the nation's largest 3G network.
"must pass the hog line" should not only be used in curling. but also when we go out to pick up girls.
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
Emily is drunk. We're coming to see you at work and we're bringing jello shots for you.
We're gonna go drive around campus and throw water balloons at all the drunk bitches wobbling around, wanna come?
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
Basically, what i'm trying to say is, if you don't have something, excuse or gift, to satisfy my anger i am going to look you in the eye and piss on the floor.
Was asked out on a date tonight on Linked In. That creepy genius at apple that touched my butt one time in the back stairwell. I thinks it's fair to say I've hit rock bottom.
It was going very smoothly until she noticed my boner of hope.
I just want orgasms and emotional validation. Is that too much to ask?
thats all i want out of life, to get high and watch weiner dog races
Randomize
