Sometimes I get depressed that my son is too young to understand how hot his babysitter is.
I meant the "stage" gay, Not the "bend me over and call me Gary" gay.
porn bloobers exist! never have i laughed so hard while jerking off!
Im at a party and this guy hitting on me just showed me his 'caution choking hazard' tattoo right above his penis. There goes any chance he had of getting laid tonight.
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
This whole foot fetish thing is getting out of control. He would rather hold my feet than me after we fuck.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Ok so you know that's gonna be legally viewed as kidnapping, right?
Hot Damn Cinnamon Schnapps make me feel like the sun is punching me in the face and a bear is sleeping inside me.
Hey my dad gave me life the least I can do is take him chicken strips and a pack of marlboros.
one of these days i'm gonna do a sparkly magical girl transformation into snoop dogg
I think he bit my vagina. Who does that?
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
MY DINNER LAST NIGHT CONSISTED OF SEMEN AND A PROTEIN SHAKE... MY TRAINER WOULD BE PROUD I DIDN'T HAVE CARBS!
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
