when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
Why do you have Season One of Reba in your underwear drawer?
Why are you in my underwear drawer?
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Just got the American Express annual summary for 2009. The amount of bars we visited last year is impressive.
he acted like he had never seen anyone snort lines of adderall off of a microwave before. freshman.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
It's getting increasingly easier to use his emotional instability to my advantage. That's about all he has going for him right now.
Being thankful with your family is one thing. Being thankful with your friends while getting drunk and smoking bowls while eating leftovers, priceless.
I think I kinda scared him when I told him if he premature ejaculated I would punch him in the throat.
I love you. Happy valentines. Satin Patricks dayyyyyyyyyy. Alreadythrew up. Geeeeerait.
So apparently I ended up throwing my clothes in the toilet after getting kicked out of TQ and ran around the neighborhood in my boxers. Works gonna suck hard once this hangover kicks in. Also: I lost a shoe so looks like flipflops for the rest of winter
Seeing Grandma lick chocolate sauce off of the male stripper was definitely not the way I planned to enter the world of legal drinking.
I can't believe you won 5 grand from the casio last night and spent more than 80% on tacobell and strippers already
I asked you why you bought a sword and you then replied with the greek alphabet and then tried to assure me that samurais are apart of greek life.
the teacher told me he was disappointed and when I asked why he just shook his head. remember that kid that caught us having sex behind the school? pretty sure that was his son.
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