dude i woke up laying next to some guy. i dont have my bra or his name. he has a nice tv though.
3 inches of snow, below zero windchill and i just saw a dude in a wrangler with no doors, shorts a beanie and burton snow goggles. God i love college in colorado
We spent three hours cleaning our room this morning. It was spotless and smelling good. I come home from work tonight and she has already smoked weed in it and "accidently" spilled vodka on the floor.
oh my god. i just found my camera... on top of the bush outside of my house. never let me drink everclear again
they duct taped my keg cup to my hand with my sister's phone number on it. I should be ok tonight.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
I just want a box on franzia all to myself. Just me, my wine, my tears, & my self loathing.
When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
omg. i wish i could describe to you the number of things that were just in my vagina. i feel like i got gangbanged by construction workers.
I got a 5/5 with my "I don't want a baby" rant essay. She said my use of the word "leeches" was a powerful metaphor :)
You blew him?!?!
*Am blowing
And I keep taking breaks to write you back, please stop replying.
You peed all over his floor and had a bottle popped in your ass when you passed out. Don't tell me I'm "still living in my college days"
Umm I might be late. Also I am may or may not have mayonnaise on my ass
I’m photoshopping my boobs to up my Tinder game. I need better dick in 2020
Randomize
