i am sick of getting naked and seeing how fat i am.
i have to go see a new gyno today. he's a male. i just took 3 shots of tequila. its almost like freshman year... drink alcohol, meet a strange man, let him play with my vagina.
She said she didn't think she should have to shave either. Guess no shave November just became no sex November.
just heard someone say they saw a guy puke while riding a bike across campus without stopping
.....woke up with a tube of cinnamon buns in my pocket, i miss you
She has either a C-Section scar or a bullet wound, I can't quite tell
Its official vodka lemonade jager and whiskey with coorslight is a bad combination of try to forget the work week cocktail ps bring alkaseltzer
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
He said I kept trying to give him directions back to my house in Rhode Island, and that I started crying when he told me I live in Phoenix.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
i wear a size 32DD bra. its basically impossible for me to get a speeding ticket
My bar tender texts me around 5ish and ask what I feel like, so it's ready for me when I get home. All star service.
Dude. You are the LAST person that should live above a bar.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I just licked honey off my own tit. Is there anything about that which doesn't SCREAM single???
I'd kiss your neck and collarbone and then run my tongue up your neck to just behind your ear
And then lightly kick the curve inside your ear
Randomize
