Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
His penis was definitely too big to be the type that wants commitment. Shit.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
In one night, this kid threw a firecracker under a fucking cop car, crashed three seperate parties, and passed out in a tree in our backyard. Do you even know who he is?
My drug dealer just texted me that his kid had a rough sleep and was running late to deliver the ounce to my office. Totes adorbs.
Slow dancing with the chandelier.
the liver wants what the liver wants
just because you have a nice tits it doesn't make you a magic little snowflake.
I went to work hungover and threw up in the break room. Told them I was pregnant and then said I quit. I don't have a job now, thanks vodka.
he threw an umbrella that he ripped out of the table at the fence like he was harpooning a whale while the owner of the bar was outside then tried to blame it on an old man...
Would love to dress up in respectable attire and take you out somewhere nice and then do disgusting crude things in public
Business idea: assless chaps for toddlers. I'm high.
Dude what is wrong with me. I'm like a strong independent woman and shit.
She's like a cask of Amontillado. Very tempting if I was drunk, but sober, I know I'll get fucked over in the end.
Randomize
