hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
Just got arrested at PF changs. Happy New year, China
I don't remember much but I remember it was a unanimous decision that Santa was indeed real and Cait's stripping somehow proved this.
sitting on my lesbian neighbors couch, sexting, & eating a burrito.. that single
Tell her to buy some booze and drink away her sorrows like an adult.
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
So coach him. No guy wants to admit being unsure of something in bed. It's a man-law or something.
Ok, I have three hours. I'm trying to work out two blow jobs and a taco.
I miss you too. And it was nice meeting your brother while I was mounting you
My drug dealer just asked me to go see Les Mis on Christmas. Should I be worried this is some type of musical set-up?
Naw man, if he's crazy enough to jerk off on a public bus he's too crazy for me to fuck with
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
I'm at that stage of drunk where just imagining having sex makes me motion sick.
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
I had such a bad bruise on my knees from blowing him so much, he asked if he could sign it...
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