At my boss' house at a bbq. Had a few beers. Taking a poop - there's no TP...this is my nightmare.
i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
theyre doing shots to celebrate her boob jobs anniversary.
There's a girl in front of me with a see through white shirt on and her back says I suck bad dick. Fun night hun?
there are certain things about getting into a cab to go home at 630 am that make me feel like a prostitute.
On the quad today: An amish choir singing something weird, and not 30 feet away 3 girls tanning topless. Definition of diversity.
making an appointment with student health services to check out my pinkeye on 4/20. they are going to thing this is such a joke
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
I hope you realize, I'm counting on you as my wingman next semester. It's your turn to advertise another man's penis. I did my tour all freshman year.
You can't break up with me and ask me for a handjob on the same day. At least not in that order.
Dude fuck drugs. It's 4am and I'm eating mushroom ravioli fantasizing about jumping on a trampoline
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
Soo I'm in the trunk of a car drunk about to jump on trampolines. My life rocks!
Never let the horse trainer ride you, always ride the horse trainer. I have huge bruises on my thighs from his hip bones. That's how hard he rode me
Omg worst high ever. I'm watching Parks and Rec, and all i can think about is how andy, leslie, and tom are my closest friends. Forever alone.
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