So I'm playing pool in my cowboy boots and some guy came up looks at my boots and goes, "you should've got the boots with the fur"
There's an Captain Planet marathon because of Earth Day. I can't NOT turn this into a drinking game.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Ok, let's play "if you were a slut" again and try and retrace our steps last night..
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I have a way to get him back. you're going to have to take one for the team and make a visit to the health department. you in?
Maybe it's just my body's way of telling me I don't need pinky toes. Like I'm the next evolutionary leap or something...
If it makes you feel any better about life I'm wearing yoga pants with granny panties and toms with socks cause fuck my life
to answer your questions bluetooth, 30ft, like a tampon, ask her, her idea, got tired of trying to find her in crowed clubs
First thing that comes on in the morning is kanye's I can't hold my liquor. yeezus lives.
Worst. Date. Ever. He peeled a layer of bread off his mini burger buns because they had "too many carbs".
He used a trumpet as a funnel, said something about valve oil, and puked all over the garage.
I am so not sober enough to have a 5 minute conversation in Spanish
Just let a guy I just met eat me out in a shed at a baby shower. May have sunk to a brand new low
Randomize