There is a woman in the bar breastfeeding a baby. Doing shots. Gotta love maryland Applebees.
regular news: took many shots of tequila.....bad news: woke up with a toothbrush and vagisil next to me.....good news: clean as a whistle
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
I've decided I'm gonna attack people with the toilet plunger.
NO I FORBID YOU. THERE ARE BETTER VIRGINITIES OUT THERE WORTH KIDNAPPING.
I would like to apologize once again for rubbing your thigh with my hands and face for a very long time last night.
He woke me up, handed me a ringing phone and said break up w her for me. That hung over.
I'm drinking with a guy who apparently blew my dog sitter.
I found a guy who will take me to the Olive Garden and he is CONVENTIONALLY ATTRACTIVE.
I just wanna get drunk in a castle. Is that so much to ask?
No, next time he offers you a ride home, ask him about Batman. The result will always be road head.
I didn't pay $79 for lingerie for you to cum in 30 seconds
Also you can't just sext a Michelle quote from Full House.
I got her number but I don't think I'll be able to smash, I was pretending to be British AND I forgot her name
i should probably stop doing things just because i think they’re funny. i’m not going to.
Randomize
