come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
Everything about him screamed your future.
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
I woke up and someone had put toast at my feet. I was SO. HAPPY.
Some guy just yelled at me from his car "CLIIIIIIIIIITT"... I feel like this has something to do with last night....
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
He is the one I "technically" lost my virginity to.
I feel like you never had a virginity..
I was fine until "Under Pressure" came on the radio. It's like God wanted me to shit my pants on the drive home.
maybe volvos are so family friendly and safe because they're extremely uncomfortable to get fucked on.
As he walked by me and gave me his dreamy smile full of dimples all i could think was 'I gave you chlamydia'.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
That was a very uncomfortable conversation to have without pants on. But his mom was pretty cool about it.
I don't care what the Chinese zodiac calendar says . . . 2015 is the year of the cock!
Anyone would get lost in that field after that much vodka. Trust me... I kind of feel like superman considering I even made it home. Most people would've been face down in a random oilfield. Not this guy.
No. No. Fuck you! You can do your own grocery shopping.
Randomize
