when you find your car can you pick me up? his mom is here and im hungover
he got up in front of the whole lecture hall and yelled that Charlie Brown's Christmas tree was his favorite book in the history of the universe. then he stumbled out the fire exit setting the alarm off. I could've jumped him right then and there.
Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Awesome, the library of congress archived all tweets. Now my great great grandchildren can pinpoint the date they inherited alcoholism.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
It's ok for me to have his baby but I can't be his friend on fb. Wth is wrong with this
On a scale of one to america, how free are you this weekend?
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Like lay upon bear skin rugs, drink brandy and reminisce of the yesteryear's before a majestic fire place? Because those are my plans.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
Sitting here reading the internet and all i have to show for this summer is a shitty tan and the possible case of clamidia.
I saw a crackhead in a ballerina outfit riding a bike while waving her hands and one leg in the air. Never seen such talent in my life
So drunk I thought the door was feeling me up for a seconds
The medical term is prolapsed anal walls if you want to look into it with dignity.
I don't work there anymore. If they had Prince themed dildo parties i never would have quit
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