man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
the date was going great.. until he pulled down his pants and asked if there was any hair in between his cheeks.
Everyone was high fiveing on their a walks of shame home. God im gonna miss college life
I got a job at a micro-brewery. Now who made the bigger mistake, them or me?
do you think having her use a clorox disinfecting wipe on her vagina will keep me from getting her herpes if I don't have a condom?
Its ok we found him,,, He is in the bathroom trying to write his life story on a roll of toilet paper.
Maybe he meant to say like I love fucking you? But just forgot the fucking part.. That's what I'm telling myself.
Just saw a midget on a motorcycle. Best sight for a hangover ever.
OMG. Hung over at my grandparents house. Threw up on 3 T-stops, countless snowbanks, and the grandparents driveway. Was proposed to last night. Bruised from head to toe from falling down 3 flights of stairs. Debating my intelligence because it seems that "happy new years" is too hard for me to spell. How were your new years festivities?
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
You live 7 mins away and I'm leaving in 10 mins. At this point sex before work is impossible.
Challenge accepted. Be naked in 6 mins.
I just need to drink whiskey get off and eat some cheese. Why is that so fucking hard for god to deliver.
I was a little curious what "unspeakable" things he could possibly do to my feet
The fact that I bookended my summer with pregnancy scares doesn't upset me. The fact that he's a trombone major does...
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