If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
the people of mcdonalds are all starring at me & this dude like they know we just slept together
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
Dude. Muppets take manhattan on netflix instant. Pass my midterm or relive my childhood? Tough decision.
We just got home. I got some malt liqour and a lottery ticket so I'm really doing a lot with my life right now
I just peed in a flower pot on the veranda while crying and holding a drink
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
Xanax and an ambien. And wine. I'm just waiting for mouth to mouth from some hot EMT. Sort of like the slutty girls version of sleeping beauty
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
I don't want to be Eskimo brothers with your dad
See I would make a great girlfriend. My surprises are sex and burritos. What else do guys want
My crotch smells like fire and I can't find my pants
This makes me appreciate being single with no prospects.
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
I've never sung with balls in my mouth
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