Sometimes I wonder if my friend studies mystic Christian theology because he's afraid to come out of the closet. Evidently, it's okay to talk about God coming inside you, but not to say the same about dudes.
Ummmm I went to see who was upstairs, he was the only one in his room so we had sex while the travel channel played in the background.
Oh good. Romantic. Still, I'm jealous of the sex.
Probably not, since he made me promise not to tell anyone it only lasted ten seconds.
So while she was giving me a lap dance I told her I quit med school. Just so she didn't feel like the only one who's made bad decisions in their life.
Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
I told her I was horny and she said to forget it because she has vagina drama.
WHAT IN THE HELL IS VAGINA DRAMA?!
You kept throwing bottles at the dorm across the courtyard and when anyone told you to stop you just said "who are you? Al Gore?"
THERE WAS A HANDPRINT OF BLOOD ON HIS SHOULDER
His idea of romance is drunkenly leaving me dead dandelions on my car in the middle of the night
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
Ok how about tonight me and you get laid together. Same girl. Then she signs our dicks.
As weird as it sounds I would totally be down
No but I was fuckin done when I realized my acrylic nail caught fire when I was hitting the bong.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Seriously. All I want right now is a 40 with a nipple on it, and a nap
I think i got beer on your cat.
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