South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
i'm so bored i'm watching porn for fun. not even jacking off or anything. just watching.
Someone just proposed in Subway. Trying not to laugh.
On a list of weird places to get a bj, how weird is in the basement of a pharmacy
you walked into the kitchen holding the skyy bottle and asked us "how do i warm this?"
I tapped out to boredom. She bought me a full meal at Subway. Two tap beers and a pretty weak long island iced tea. I'm five dollars cheaper to fuck than she is.
we made it to hole 3 and then just sat down on the fairway and finished off our case....cheered on other golfers as we let them play through.
That's the last time you suggest we can get our tab wiped by out-drinking the bartender.
It was my card, so what do you care that you lost?
Is your card paying for my plan b?
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
It's official. I am the girl who threw up in the library. Hangovers and midterms do not mix.
I've been trying to brush my teeth for 20 mins now... Mother of hangovers.
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
Wedding party came into the bar an hour ago. Mother of the bride is a stage five clinger. send help.
Also this just in, I think you could see my sequins underwear that say unwrap me through my leggings all day while I hung out with his family
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
Randomize
