hey no worries the mystery has been solved- i jst sneezed and my undies popped outta my nose.
Talk about awkward... Just went to dinner with my mother and realized I fucked our waiter the night before. She HAD to see the looks he was giving me!
Also, just saw a kid in a gorilla costume being questioned by a boardwalk cop. I love ocean city.
Hovering on the line between her being fuckable and me being too drunk to fuck. Life's juggling act in progress here.
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
After a roaring rendition of Jay-Z's "99 Problems but a bitch ain't one" I ended up making her cry on her birthday.
Turns out Edward 40 hands and life-sized jenga is really hard...Didn't stop you from trying. How is your concussion?
don't judge my taste in strippers
I just won 200$ from Bar Karaoke, for singing the "Sailor Moon" theme song, and then the Pokemon theme song, also known as the motherfucking ANTHEM OF POKEMON MASTERS LIKE ME. I HAD TO REPRESENT.
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
Adderal can only make me focus so much. Your ass is stronger than my medicine. Congratulations.
Is it fucked up to venmo someone for plan-b?
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
I think the cashier at 7/11 might be planning an intervention for me.
Randomize
