Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
I'm going to take the bottles back.. And maybe get an x-ray
Just saw a white stretch Hummer limo outside of CiCi's pizza. Way to live up to the stereotypes, Alabama.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
Whats a good hint for stop bitching im gonna give you head
I can't begin to describe what I look like walking through the grocery store with this outfit and chocolate syrup.
So high I started thinking my desktop picture of a cat was too erotic for the workplace.
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
How the fuck does a person bruise an armpit? I swear to god, I get the lamest drunk injuries.
Basically she credited me and my dick pic for boosting the moral of all the Safeway workers
No. You don't want this. When I threw up last night, it was so intense I went blind for about 3 seconds.
I feel like my sexual preferences are just another sign that I am a 75 year old drag queen in a 29 year old woman's body.
THAT'S NOT NICE
NEITHER WAS PROMISING NOT TO TAKE MY SISTER'S VIRGINITY, THEN PROMPTLY DOING SO
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
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