hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
The girl here has a popped collar. Can I slap her?
Yes. For all mankind please do.
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
one of the service guys here said i licked ranch off your face lastnight
Dude...that line about her giving me a blowjob to get rid of her hangover actually got rid of her hangover. Spread the word.
I hooked up with a 20 year old last night. I feel like a hocus pocus witch that sucked life from a child.
All I know is I was dancing to Shakira in his alley and I think rubbing my junk on his car door.
Qdoba locked their bathrooms last night.. I suppose so people didn't pee all over them? I considered it counter productive considering I just peed on the outside of their building then. I had to pee
Look, the coffee machine died a noble death. It was the way it would have wanted to go. It was a mercy exploding, really.
I think after 8 tries we can say Stoli Thursdays cause too much damage.
Bringing my cat to a booty call was not my finest hour
Am I just high or is she having an auction for her vagina on Twitter
I made it out of the house. Success.
It's not better out here. I'm at Target hyperventilating in the aisles.
she crawled a good forty meters just to whisper in my ear... "dildon't"
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
Randomize
