that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
this girl walked outta his room as i was walkin in to scottys and i just say " time for the walk of shame baby! whoooo!". she ran away
If I remember taking any of my finals after tomorrow night, it will not have been a successful night.
He just made me apologize because his morning wood is NOT a laughing matter.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
guess who's eating a vending machine cheese danish, has no panties on, and is still the classiest bitch at this bus stop?
nope im down the street in my car watching the front of her house. its actually less creepy than it sounds
Theres a handprint of sauce on my frig, one streaked across my face, a trail of it to my bedroom and sauce all in my bed and i have no idea what the fuck i ate.
I think I broke a hole in her wall trying to do backflips
I need a burrito and a hug.
I'm like a savant for remembering names I learned while I was drunk. Seriously, I'm three for three. I'm on a roll.
So...guess who had sex tied to the ladder of a caboose under the stars in Joshua Tree? This bitch
We had a One Night Stand 6 months ago but he just Facebook invited me to his wedding. Who the fuck does that.
PS: bike ride of shame at 7am includes riding by kids waiting for the school bus #classy
part of it says your brother mayyyy have put his lips on my vagina
Randomize
