Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
I wanted to google "huge banana" but I'm pretty sure all I'd get is dick pictures.
sticking your finger down your throat to make yourself throw up is bulimia, not morning sickness, so no, I don't think you're pregnant.
I wish i could call my weed and hear it ring. That's how i found my phone.
Did we both pass out talking about cake last night?
You were rubbing your foot on one of your legs and kept saying, "My sock feels like a waterslide!"
Security said no more parties of this kind. To me that translates to Theme party this weekend.
Sorry I sent so many blank messages. My hands are slippery. Don't ask why.
You then proceeded to tell me how good of a cook you were and put raw cookie dough in the champagne.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
her tits were more amazing then brown bears with armor and guns that fire bullets of Justice that destroys inequality.
We're not piercing ourselves today.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
Is someone on their way here yet? I'm way too tweaked to be here alone
I hummed the theme from jaws while she was taking the pregnancy test....needless to say she was not pleased
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