You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
just witnessed some guy trade his friend $5 and a condom for his keys.
i'm sober ask me anything about the civil war
I just had a brazillian performed by a hungarian named olga. Im pretty sure she was trying to rip out my soul. You owe me a million orgasms
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
I just hope I don't wheeze during sex
He snorted adderall on my table. I have a feeling he's not trying to buy me flowers
I would drive 12 hours round trip for you to have an orgasm, cause that's friendship
we're so committed to being not committed
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
So I woke up this morning to find my laptop open, with a google search for "where to buy marble", and a hungover naked northern girl in my bed who told me that I claimed to be a sculptor last night and that I promised to sculpt a bust of her hands...
So technically I made out with my second cousin this weekend... But it's by marriage and I'm adopted, so it's ok.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Dude... this pee is not alleged
YOU SAT ON MY LAP!
Wuddup pee lap
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