were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
I didn't think it was possible for the human body to be physically dependant on weed until I moved in with this kid
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
I'm really tired of cleaning up my twitter the morning after
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
She was shaking her boobs and I was so high all I could think was "breast maracas"
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
When you passed out on the kitchen counter she brushed and flossed your teeth, then carried/dragged you to bed. Why aren't you married?
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I'm putting his belongings the garage sale so he can buy his own stuff back. # divorced life. Thanks for cheating on me you tone deaf dick biscuit that'll be $20. Haha.
all i want is a guy to go down on me while i eat peanutbutter from a jar
You were only speaking with either thumbs up, thumbs down, or high fives haha
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