Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
Jake was my 1st thought but I seriously thought u already did him... & then there's the getting the clap story... so I settled on Ben for my guess.
I have done Jake, not Ben. But this was fresh meat. And P.S. it was ghonnerea.
Ahh, yes. It's apparently too early in the morning to keep your partners and their std's straight.
I wish the holidays was like a drive thru. Get in. Get your presents. Get out.
Dude just slipped a $20 into the jukebox at that restaurant we were escorted out of last Mardi GRAS. Hope they enjoy Justin Bieber's Baby cause they're gonna hear it 40 fucking times.
At what point did you think the cops were actually coming to hang out with us
You cant hold me accountable for my actions when im high.
The rest of us are chipping in to soundproof your bedroom. This is getting ridiculous.
In other news, shitting yourself is not an acceptable way to start a Thursday.
so apparently going to a christian rock concert dressed as Jesus is horribly inappropriate.
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
It just wouldn't be valentines day if i didn't invite 90% of the guys i've slept with to go to the strip club with me
This dudes playing guitar and singing outside our window and he's like "ravioli is beterrrrrrr than tortelliniIii cause tortelliniiii is shaped like fucking ears"
I jammed my finger giving him a hand job. Don't ask how, I'm still trying to figure that out.
The dude we met that gave us weed sent me a video of his balls covering the sun like a solar eclipse
I drunkenly said, "That's my future father-in-law!" And everyone made an uncomfortable / disgusted face... including the aforementioined future father-in-law. Maybe I should start dating other people.
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