You wanted to speak to the manager of mcdonalds as to why a "bag of cheeseburgers" isn't a menu option.
standing in line at subway, they've got 'stand up and get crunk' blaring. the lines out the door and everyone is dancing. Lombardi Gras rules.
Are you still at the party or did I leave?
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
I just saw her shopping list. The only things on it are blackberries, hot fudge and condoms. I almost don't wanna know. Almost.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Crying in the liquor store is not a good look
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
You can't be friends with my side piece. Conflict of interest.
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I deserve to be covered in dicks
Being in the club with your moms drunk friends > having a healthy relationship with your mom
I should become a firefighter. Who uses his cock to fight fires. Like a Superhero.
So apparently I tried texting you last night to tell you I wasn't coming home, but all I had typed were lyrics from Evita
Randomize
