foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
I think the best way to start out any day is to watch 80's music videos. It's like visual wheaties.
you win again, gameday.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
This flask doesn't match my outfit. I hope the gays don't mind.
I realized it was a bad idea when I broke my collar bone
I had 5 long islands and 2 alien brain hemorrhages…I am entirely certain that the "power hour to finish the night" idea was just too much.
YOU STOLE THE WEDDING CAKE?!?!
Only one tier
Tastes like cardboard anyway
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
I most definitely just found a video on my phone that I accidentally took... You can't see anything and all you can hear is me talking about how good your water was... And then I fed it to you... And used the word "eloquent" to describe it.
On the plus side I'm getting really good at painting the inside of a toilet with my bowels.
I Have a huge scrape on my knee and I need a better excuse than dry humping on a park bench...
Omg that was my second thought of the morning.
First was that we had pop tarts.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
The last time I was on vacation the pandemic blew up. Can't wait to see how my vacation fucks up the world this time.
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