in a basement doing blow off a prince dvd next to a chick in a saddam mask
in hindsight, drinking 2 bottles of wine probably wasnt going to put me in an optimal position for a job interview
she went to pee and i could hear her singing "Drip Drip Drop LIttle April Showers" from Bambi through the door.
we've already established he's totally wasted. but now he's just sitting at his computer, doing i don't know what, and he keeps saying "dammmn girl" in a really low whisper
In between when I last wrote and now have screwed a Swiss guy on a hostel bathroom floor. Okay, real life?
Underwear, t-shirt, bottle of Pinot Grigio and Golden Girls. I've hit a new level of homosexual.
You went streaking and came back with your shirt inside out. Then said "it happens in the line of duty" and passed out.
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
Trust me. Drunk Scrabble is not a good idea. Arguments over the legitimacy of the word "Pickle" break out, things are said, friendships are ruined. It's ugly.
If we hadn't just agreed to no commitment, i'd totally propose right now. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
i like him enough to wash my sheets.. but not enough to finally get that pink lemonade and vodka slushy stain out of my carpet
I'm basically the yoda of knowing when someone wants to sleep with you
my nextdoor neighbor called me saying "um hey, your mom just stumbled into bed with me and my husband, can you please come get her?"
I really hope this is just a phase, because I am not capable of carrying both of our drunken whore asses through life. Too much dead weight....
Like how do you live your life and have never made a grilled cheese? The audacity of some people
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