Just hungoverly hit my funny bone with a hot straightener. Triple threat.
At one point in time, he cried and said I didn't appreciate him.
It's ok that you're screwing someone else while trying to get back with me, I'm banging three girls while I ignore you.
Ughhhh. Finnnneeeeee. I'll have sex with your brother. Sheesh. The things I do for you woman.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I'm busy watching infomercials. I'd say I'll join you later, but I'm doing a shot every time they demonstrate how difficult life is WITHOUT this product. So I doubt I'll be able to walk in another... Maybe 40 minutes.
But feel free to join! A new infomercial starts in 12 minutes.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I rubbed his back while he puked for an hour and then ended up getting laid when I tried to put him to bed, best puke and rally I've ever seen.
And as the acid sets in, he looks back at the shallow form he used to call his and whispers "3 pee pees strong"
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Now all I want to do is stay up, drink wine, and look at dragons.
Don't mention it
Just endorse me for cunnilingus on LinkedIn
Do you remember trying to eat the shower curtain last night...?
I'm sorry I get my lefts and rights confused because I'm dyslexic. But, it took you at least 15 minutes to figure out it wasn't your room OR YOUR HUSBAND.
Randomize
