I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I'm so glad you managed to take a picture of your foreskin before you broke my camera.
before i die, we are going to oregon and playing oregon trails for real. like putting things in a hat & people will pull out whether they live or die. and they die of fun things like typhoid, dysentary, or hunting accident.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
I just woke up to people screaming "funnel" in my kitchen....
Happy St. Patrick's Day.
Maybe I should forgo underwear.
This is a family BBQ no?
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
Since i didn't have a condom I told him to use jump ship method, I think I was overly invested in my sailor costume this year.
Except there is my pee all over the walls now
Based off of the soaking wet clothes/towels/rugs, Eiffel Tower statue and monkey in the bathtub, I'm going to assume drunk me took a bath.
Are you really alive right now?
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just remembered I said your cat looked delicious last night.
MY LIFE IS HARD OK. I HAVE TO WAKE UP AT LIKE 10 OR 11 AFTER SMOKIG POT AND PLAYING FALLOUT UNTIL 3
How are you and the lady friend?
Well, she's a lunatic, and I love sex, so we're good.
According to the office gossip the new secretary is “a homewrecking whore”. Think I should spend $27 on a fake wedding ring?
Yes! Want that picture of you and my nephew?
Randomize
