people and things i regret. that's what i want to do tonight.
cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
i like that you affectionately refer to him as "creepy" ever time you talk about him
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Just watched porn on a 60 inch plasma screen TV... So that's where the clitoris is
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
He made me meet him in the baby department of walmart where he was waiting with his pregnant girlfriend. Time for a new dealer
Well, I'm getting my ex-boyfriend to get me a z pack to cure the chlamydia I got from my married fuck buddy so that I can fuck one of my students.
You called me and said "Aidan's unconscious" to which he said "I'm conscious, I'm conscious pilot"
He was filled with the holy spirit. And vodka.
Nope, had to pee on the side got violated by tall grass. Then someone came around the corner and I had to stop mid pee to dive into the car.. Pants down
I'm on day 4 of clean eating. I call it the "whore by June" program
The perfect man would keep a whisky sour in my hand and give me endless sex. I really don't think that's too much to ask for.
I JUST SAW MY THERAPIST OUTSIDE OF WORK AND I DONT KNOW THE ADULT THING TO DO
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
she went outside...danced, got some snow, and put cherry vodka in it. she was so proud of herself.
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