Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
She dropped a weight class after every shot I took. I thought I was just drink something magical.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
No, I've only ever seen his brother's dick. So when I have lucid sex dreams, I just do a little cut and paste in my mind and stick his bro's package onto him.
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
You would be too ashamed to ever love me again if you saw the filth I just created. It brings unspeakable dishonor to the nacho dynasty. Like I raped the king's daughter, cut off her hands and made him eat them that's how hard I fucked up nachos.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
How much more is Amanda Bynes going to rip out our hearts?!?!?
GET ME OUT OF HERE THE DOCTOR KNOWS HE IS JUDGING ME I DEMAND A PRISON BREAK
I think I used my hospital ID to cut the coke last night. I need to swab it for residue at work today.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
I walked out in my coconut bra, and that's when it all went downhill.
I had sex with him and I blame the Doritos
We just had can't-look-you-in-the-eye sex and it was still surprisingly good
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