dude! the alphabet song and twinkle twinkle little star are like the same tune
what drug did you take to come to that conclusion??
Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
Just passed a strip club with a Marquis sign that said 'tis the squeezin'
You know you're hung over when your pose in art class is lying face down on the platform
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
I knew it was different as soon as you told me you slept with him and didn't tell me about his dick
Nothing is more important than the last pool party of the season. Call in sick or gay or something.
she said i was like a little lamb and she felt bad for luring me into her den of sin. then she blew me.
Being a virgin isn't supposed to be this easy for you.
He's on the bus now and took off his Amish hat so just his long ginger beard is present. Goodbye, majestic Amish ginger. Go forth and represent your minority well.
'twas the night before moms weekend and all were blacked out. Not a coug was sober not even farm house. I was down to fuck but you were not in sight, so I bid pullmania a sweet goodnight.
The girl next to me looks like the young version of sara (bonnie hunt) in jumanji. I wanna be like PLAY THE GAME SARA!!!!"
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
Just think how much she’ll hate me when she finds out I fucked her father
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