wanna go halves on a baby?
when i say i joined a midget dating site why do u assume i was drunk
watching a tv show about cocaine.. just explained to my mom why the test monkey chose coke over food
If there's anything in this world better than hotboxing in the rain I haven't found it yet.
Agreed
At my internship. I get drug tested tmr at 2
Are they going to pay you for the one day you worked?
gladiator or hannah montana?
This is why I never have to ask who you are when I get a new phone.
Exact words that were just spoken as she was on her 6th, yes 6th piece of bread: "I'm only eating the soft and chewy inside of the bread-I am taking the crust home to feed my turtles"
We're already drunk. 4 hours to go still. And there's a bear advisory. TOP WEEKEND.
Worst luck of my entire life. Came in my own mouth
Paris has not been good for her. Everytime she has a one night stand from a different country, she buys a mini flag and tapes it to her wall with the others
Correction... Drunk on winter break. There are no days of the week on break.
He sent me a dick pic from work, but I could see all the pizzas in the background. Now I'm just hungry.
Apparently I was telling them, "I AM A STRONG INDEPENDENT WOMAN AND I DON'T NEED YOU TO HOLD MY HAIR," and I pulled my hair back and puked.
Sorry I crashed a riding mower into your garage door. No hard feelings??
low point of the night : a cop just busted out laughing at me.
Randomize
