Tonight was fucked up. First my mom called me and told me I had to go to the bar to pick up my dad 'cause he was drunk. Then when I got there my dad was doing a body shot from this lady who happened to be my 1st grade teacher. By far the most awkward car ride home. Idk if I should tell my mom or not.
Life lesson #57: drinking whisky out of apples leads to threesomes.
It was as awful as eating cow testicles on fear factor and not winning and realizing you ate balls for nothing.
I had a dream last night that I had sex with Abe Lincoln. I must stop watching the History Channel before I go to bed.
Brutal- a couple weeks back I had a 28 hr blackout and four day hangover. S'why I decided to haul it in
Recent Google searches: "babu kangarooz"... "why 2 tacos bell" and "is dinosaur in real life"
He went bowling in his bathroom.. And shattered the toilet.
you have failed as an in class drinking partner.
He texted back and said he would hook up if he didn't have a test at 8am. It's really hard to be annoyed by how good of a student he is.
Yeah that sucks. That's why I stick to deadbeat sports management majors.
Update: I may or may not be in a cult
Update #2: I may or may not be the leader of said cult
Dude this weed smells so good they should make it into a Vicks vapor rub scent and I would rub it all over myself.
He gave me the choice between a threeway with his best friend or a tiny turtle. Unfortunately I chose the threeway.
A homeless man just offered me vodka. The power it took to deny it deserves an award.
Need ride home. Girls. Stolen keg. Rolling down streets. Horny girls. No condoms. Rescue needed. girls and beer in exchange for rescue and bacon?
I. Hate. You. Where are you, are said girls cute, and how did you know I bought bacon? And how does this always happen to you?
Smarter than the average bear
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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