My grandpa is talking about laundry and he asked if i could run a "small hot load." Wow. I had to leave the room.
my new favorite insult= "thundercunt"
If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
Someone just asked if you were the one who rode around the bar on some girls back
You see.... Im at the point in my life where pissing in a toilet is a luxury for me
This coming from the girl who broke up with a guy because she found out he played the tuba in middle school.
Off topic, but is it sad that Matthew and I are calculating how much sex we need to have in order to work off a taco bell burrito?
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
female sloths literally scream when they want sex and can be heard up to 700 meters away
i think i might be a female sloth
had a dream that i inhaled my pet bird and started choking. Then I tried smoking from a bong and suddenly I smoked myself inside out. this is what happens when I don't smoke weed. my brain can't function!
You just said the word 'slut' out loud in your sleep and then made a moaning noise
Omg. We have to workout today. I just looked at myself in the mirror and thanked a god I don't believe in for drunken boys and dark rooms.
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
and then she sorta stared at me like "holy shit" and I looked down and my dog was licking her ass
Ruff night.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
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