I might be drunk enough to make out with you. You don't want to miss this unique opportunity.
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Well, we missed our public lewdness court date. Looks like were going to jail in Alabama ...
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
Just stop talking to douche bags. How do you manage to attract every asshole within a 100 mile radius?
If i could answer that i wouldn't be so afraid to move to a more populated area
No. I'm wrapped up in my sheets like a burrito. Carry me
You wanted to go find him and we told you to sit down cause you kept stumbling. You yelled " I CAN STAND!! It's the walking part I can't figure out!"
Good news my life of crime finally paid off
Oh fuck, I'm officially a cougar..he's got the same name as my grandson
Does the girl you just banged want anything from Taco Bell?
thanks for not wanting to stay all night or talk or anything, nice to have a fuck buddy who really doesnt take the buddy part serious
I'm all about the fuck
Really dude? drunk texts at 9 in the morning? its wednesday
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
