What do you think she thinks of us?
I think she thinks we're whores... but ya I think she likes us
Sometimes he's such a bitch I forget that he's not actually a girl. Last night I asked him if I could borrow a tampon.
He had some in his pocket. That was weird.
No, I'm not okay. Girls are wearing BUMPITS here.
gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
If you ever bitch out on 72oz margarita night again, this friendship is over
Rule number one to being a good adult: don't use your vagina as an icebreaker. Just some wisdom I thought I'd pass down from experience.
Because everyone is allowed one half drunken 7:30 am walk back to campus in a cowgirl costume, right?
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
I am lonely and hungry. I need a girlfriend, but I'd settle for my mom.
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
so, in conclusion, I think his gf found out about the booty pics
I just turned down the best booty call of my life because I have to make a cheesecake. I guess this is growing up.
It just so happens all of their names are Ryan, so I never have to change whose name I moan.
We walked 3 miles to the strip club. Stopped for roadies, it wasn't that bad.
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Randomize
