white trash or talent: driving, 1 hand on the wheel, 1 holding a cell phone & talking & smoking without using hands..in an old beater pickup..
Both
This is the first month I have not taken plan B to get my period in over a year
And somehow that makes me sad knowing I haven't had raunchy unprotected sex in a month
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
Someone sent me a drink from across the bar. It was water.
You said "i miss him" not "i miss his dick." You're getting emotionally attatched. Shame.
They kept trying to slap each other but they were poring beer onto their hands first referring to it as their baby powder
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
It's all a blur. I just remember holding some strangers baby
Yah. Thai people are way too trusting
This will always be remembered as the Christmas I had 15 Russians sing christmas carols to me at 130am alone in a gas station while I was stoned on pot brownies
I want to get up and tell you that smells delicious but I'm struggling with the idea of pants
It's gotten to a point that when guys say "I'm gonna cum" I've developed a habit of responding "dooo itttt" in a deep voice. #isthatweird
I had sex with a boy who lives in a closet, that's like having sex with Harry Potter, right?
You know that voice that tells you to do something spontaneous after 1am? Don't listen to it.
Leave it to my mom and I to turn the hearing into a drinking game.
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