White Russians with skim milk. Fuck I'm healthy.
I told him next time he kisses her to remember where that mouth has been...
How'd that go?
Hes on his way with a baseball bat...
Bt dubs, I still have cuts on my arm from when you attacked me with a dildo on Saturday night.
I have no valid justification for peeing in your kitchen, but I don't think it's worth breaking up over.
I'm sorry. I know you didn't expect me to be arm deep in vagina when you walked through the door.
you duct taped a twenty to your thigh just in case and passed out.
We have a guy passed out in the bathroom with one of our pots. Not sure if he's your friend so I let him be
If you were wondering whether I accidentally FaceTime called the undergrad who works for me in lab during a particularly graphic blow job last night, then the answer is yes.
That girl is nothing but trouble. She's 40% red hair and 60% daddy issues.
There was a cop outside the house so we just put the alcohol in this watermelon
Tom is laying in a bathtub filled with ice pretending to be a polar bear.
The feeling are messing with the penis
You do it and I'll burn these mermaid pants so help me God.
Foreplay went from me being a bank teller and him a customer to us actually having to go to the bank so we would make rent
THEY'RE HAVING SEX ON A HORSE AND THE HORSE DOESN'T EVEN CARE.
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