Told my mom a bit ago she'd meet you tonight
Um...??
She's excited
The iPhone is ruining my ability to sex message. My 5-year-old cousin just picked up my phone at my grandmas birthday party and read "I wanna stand you up and fuck you from behind" to my entire extended family bc of popped up on my screen
She has a facebook friends list called oops. theres 33 people in it. she said its all the guys she regrets fucking.
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
I deleted my history right in front of my girlfriend w/out her seeing. Let's go skydiving with no parachutes. I can live thru anything.
Just realized I used a picture of my little sister to holler at a guy, only 3 months old and she's already my wingman.
I dressed up as a "typical white girl" which meant I wore my yoga pants and uggs all night. BEST. IDEA. EVER. Most comfy halloween everrrr.
My goal is to be drunk before we even get out of the No Wake Zone.
Adulthood is weird i just cleared a check larger than my gross income from 2011 but i also just did coke during my lunch break
Well I'm over here squandering a fabulous hair day and radiant complexion
I want to fling myself into the sun
Just puked in a cup. Poured it out the window.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
I guess daylight savings isn't a holiday we need to celebrate for three days...
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
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