Had sex with the ex last night. Regretting to begin in 5, 4, 3, 2, 1... WHYYYYYYYYYY!
I may or may not have just visibly given him head in front of three young children and their mom. They all looked mortified.
I think we should make a list of challenges so that when stuff like that happens, we can check it off. Like a scavenger hunt for hoes.
oh hey summer self, welcome to endless thirsty thursdays and walks of shame.
I feel like we're taking advantage of the fact that our R.A has cerebal palsey.
In other words, he somehow found his way to my apartment, wasted, and was naked on my new couch. Completely naked. It was too special to pass up.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
She's pathetic and vulnerable..and short. Thats his type.
my liver gets a handicap on account of the whole being diseased thing
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
She slapped his drink out of his hand to get him to leave the bar while he and I were having an intense debate about the lyrics to mmmbop
Took out half a tooth with a handle of jim beam last night. Apparently I can't walk and chug bourbon at the same time
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
It's 4/20 of course I'm going to smoke in the portapotty and be ripped outta my mind at the lung cancer walk.
your life is not complete until you watch a gaggle of murderous clowns dance to gangnam style.
also, what is the correct term for a shit ton of clowns?
One of my interns found me on Grindr. I'm really gonna make him earn the absurd amount of money I pay him.
Randomize
