Joe is a total sociopath, I'm going to hook up with him tonight
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
And then out of the blue she sent me a youtube video mashup of cats puking to techno music
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
I'm crossing my legs while pooping. Taking a shit has never looked so proper.
I may have just serenaded the sadface couple sitting on a bench outside the dorm by singing Bye Bye Bye.
I've decided that my night was probably over when I started eating the penne vodka with my hands.
Sorry my hands just texted you
Well, I made it thru a doorway, so I think things are going good.
Showering in not my own throw up is really hittin the spot right now.
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
Just woke up and spent the first hour of consciousness throwing up with the Rocky theme song on repeat.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
Randomize
