When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
ugh.. my birth control just came out of my nose. wtf?
I can't wait to get all this Makers out of my shoe.
He asked if I was on the pill, apparently I just downed my glass of beer and winked at him...
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
Use motel 8. I'll give you my credit card #. i'll pay for it cuz i care about your vagina.
You then showed up downstairs in only a robe, telling everyone how you were "the most chivalristic fratstar ever."
My roommate said I banged on the wall and said, "this dude eats pussy like a champ."
Apparently getting dressed is an all-day activity.
Gas station champagne. And before you say anything I'll have you know it's imported. From California. So get fucked.
I feel a little uneasy about having my grandma sleep in my bed that I've banged chicks in not too long ago... Fuckin blizzards
I was just giving a mobile app demo to a client, on my iPhone, when a reminder alert appeared across the page blinking "12pm: go home and give John head". You're an asshole
Hahaha oops.
How does it make you feel that I can't control my vagina around you?
God damn you Coronavirus! I'm jonesing I got the itch. I would fully satisfy a horse for some Taco Bell or Perkins. God help me I'm going insane but I definitely don't want to get sick.
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