dude, the reading rainbow guy was just talking to a HOLOGRAM
Are you sure you're not watching Star Trek?
wait... oh
Dude WTF? His teammate just started talkin to me on fb! Am I walking around with a "I like to f**k gators" on my forehead?
No, it just says ur easy
I just saw a stripper wear a tube top around her floppy gut. God bless Michigan.
It was like a drunk episode of Dora the Explorer. In English.
the cops didnt even say happy birthday to me :(
whenever I think of his sister, I just picture a chick with a huge beard
Just found pics of us from Mardi Gras last year. Your boob job really is better than mine.
you missed an awesome concert last night. some middle aged woman that was grinding on me kept trying to stick her hand down my pants. i ended up rewarding her tenacity by letting her hold onto it for a song, i think it made her night.
Just don't eat pie out of the sink. It's a real blow to the self esteem.
Its not chugging if its just one gulp
Well, if you're getting/have gotten your dick sucked, you're welcome. If not, I tried. Step up your game, pussy. I pulled a MacGuyver and got mine. No excuses bro.
Realistically you can't tell me you're gonna put mashed potatoes on your dick and expect me not to get excited
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
You know you gave a quality blow job when you have to ice your neck and jaw the next day.
I hooked up with a sophomore, passed out at midnight, and apparently drunkenly peed on Nicole's wedding invitation
Randomize
