i guess i called my mom last night. she wasnt nearly as impressed with what we did in the bathroom as i was
I think I can smell my own vagina right now
He's doing the 1:45AM lap: he goes around the bar, finds the hottest crying girl 15 minutes before close, and brings her home. I would feel bad for the girls if it wasn't such incredible genius.
time for a it's-monday-night-and-this-week-is-gunna-suck-drink.
That was the most comfortable bag of doritos I have ever slept on!
Worst case scenario: I have VD and will die. That's the worst that could happen. As long as I'm around long enough to see the winner of bachelor pad, I'm cool
Also the McRib is back. Lets get high, dress like cowboys, and eat some McRibs.
I told her I was dressed as a gag reflex judge.....she won, literally hands down.
It's like Jesus got stoned and this would be the sandwiches he'd make
That sounds promising. I'm twerking to human nature.
I went to BBQ fest on Wednesday and came home wearing a different shirt, so I think I did some good damage.
Being pregnant feels like you have a hangover everyday.. Don't listen to what anyone says about how wonderful it is
I feel like I got run over by a steamroller made of cigarettes and booze driven by all of the men I've slept with.
I just remembered that I totally burped into someones mouth when we were making out. I was really smooth about it so he didn't notice.
i ordered what the bartender said was called a pink cock, and kept saying it tastes like a disney princess. thats how my 21st bday went
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