So I had sex with him again. He's still got it. Not chlamydia, he got rid of that.
is it sad that whenever i need to spell "independent" i still sing that one rap song?
I don't think the TSA agent thought getting iced while searching my bag was as funny as I did.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
He couldn't say anything coherently but shot off a perfectly timed "that's what she said" when michelle said he'd have to ride in the trunk because she didn't have enough room up front.
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
It was awful. Their identical twins so it was like having sex with Jeff wearing a wig and shaved legs.
I got my first tattoo & injured myself while having sex in a national monument. I say we consider this weekend siezed.
Um ... did I have a lizard on my shoulder last night at the bar?
we just ate hash browns in a nativity scene with baby jesus
How the fuck do you get a noise complaint filed against you at 9:30am on a fucking Tuesday?
he said he was going to fuck me like a rabbit in heat. What he should have said was faster then a train and over before a commercial
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
I just Spray tanned myself while high as fuck its either going to look like a work of art or terrible graffiti
I'm about to do something based solely on the fact that a fortune cookie told me to. This may not end well.
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