you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
neither the pictures you took nor my hangover explain why there are skittles in my shoe
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
She's walking around topless with a bottle of red wine, crying and singing showtune ballads. This is actually an improvement.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just whatever you do please don't lick his face again.
Just peed on my foot. Thank you Sunday hangovers.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
No more going to class sober.. Tried it for a day or two, its just not for me
I woke up knowing I have nowhere to be today except parties and it was glorious and I am so happy
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
I feel like it is our duty to make homophobic people more afraid of us. They're never going to change, but maybe we can get to a "wrath of god" kind of worship-him-or-he'll-destroy-you-with-his-care-bear-stare type thing.
You tried to use him as a battering ram. I'm 99% certain that's why he left.
I am pants-free in the living room. This is liberating.
Randomize
