then he goes, "ok, i have to go talk to the girl i'm semi-talking to/dating and see if i'm in trouble" WHAT IS MY LIFE?!
There's a 34yo winking at me. Why do i find this weird when my bf is a 38yo married man?
I'm cheating on the girl I'm cheating on my girlfriend with
I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
She took her shirt off and was broader than Dwight Howard.
she took her clothes off and my dick went from =====> to =>
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
guess who has a date tonight
look at you growing up, going on dates before she hops into bed
He just asked me to pee through my panties while he watched. I might need more tequila for this one.
I show up hung over with mcdonalds. Why wouldn't he have sex with me? It's a fucking leap year...
We just got in a fight with grandma b/c she tried to tell us you didn't go hard.
My roommate just threatened to kill me with my own pan. Can I ever get away from the crazies?!
I'm still alive btw, in case you were worried about my well being.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
You know it's a bad cold when sneezing feels better than orgasming...
Randomize
