This pizza tastes like mashed potatoes. HOW HIGH DO YOU THINK I AM?
Surefire way to sober up: discover that your car is being towed at 2 am.
just found a carrot inside of a baby sock. living with toddlers is like living with tiny hammered people.
I miss the time when Mondays weren't the new Thursdays. I can't drink like my 17 year old self anymore.
nope. It turned out i wasnt the drunkest person asleep in tacobell parking lot.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
Your grammar in that last text message was so awful.. My vagina wants to go crawl in a hole, and never speak to you again.
All of her cloths were on our coffee table this morning. The only things she left with last night were her shoes and Scott
My old dealer would be proud of the drug cocktail I just took for my back pain.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Would seriously like to slash his tires but then I feel like I'd have to deal with him longer.
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
You have to just make a conscious effort not to make out with people when he's around if you want to keep him in your life?
Just because your drunk doesn't mean you can stick your dick in the snow. Just a FYI
Everybody at Lexi's party found out I'm both a screamer and a moaner after he ate me out on the pool table downstairs. Just another sunday night in Alaska
Randomize
