If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
its freezing days like this when i seriously consider littering to speed up the global warming processes.
Trying to guess which perfume the stripper was wearing based on my bf's clothes
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Got a personal ride from safe ride. I was crying so hard. The driver said think of something happy and I said Disney. In which I sang him Aladdin. So I got home ok
Did I tell you I had a charge show up for $36 on a credit card I haven't used in 6 months from Wild Wings? It was that night we slept across the street from the bar.
I left myself a trail of jello shots, that ended at his door. OR maybe he left me a trail of jello shots at his door. DO I GO IN!?
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Hey I know you're not home, but I'm here. Your front door is unlocked and someone took shit on your doormat...
Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
Also I feel I should tell you last night when I came home I fell into my laundry hamper and woke up in a pile of my clothes
Just a suggestion, don't apricot scrub your vagina.
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
I’m going down on him like an Oompah Loompah on roller skates.
That makes no sense, but good luck
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