So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
I didn't sleep with her. I'm boycotting arizona and she's from phoenix.
Remind me to tell you the one about the cashier that wouldn't sell me Jim Beam and NyQuil.
I knew it was gonna be a rough night when the guys next to us at Relay for Life started shot gunning beers and yelling "This ones for all the hot chicks that went bald because of cancer". It kinda went downhill from there....
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
He's upstairs shouting 'FUCK OFF I'M IN MY MOTHERFUCKING ZEN ZONE' out of the window.
I almost bumped into a man wrapped only in a blanket at 10 am
Just wait til you visit, there will be an endless supply of fresh dick for your demand #economics
I'M ALSO PLAYING VIDEO GAMES AND THINKING ABOUT ORDERING A PJIZZA. I'M NOT SURE WHAT MY MUSTACHE WANTS.
How interesting! I'm adding this to my list of things to discuss with you between fucks.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
Trying to Jedi mind trick myself into not throwing up. This is not the esophagus you are looking for.
you stood in front of the mirror for 20 minutes and finally said, "he can hear everything i'm saying inside my head. we need to leave." now try and tell me there is no such thing as too high.
Last night I was the DD and was trying to drop off some chick I didn't know at her place. The closest thing to an address I got was "where the goldfish go."
Thank you for always being there for me.
Sorry wrong derek... Do u have any weed?
Randomize
