First night home from college and I already forgot that walking around nearly naked with my laptop open to smut porn isn't acceptable. Sorry, mom.
You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
I was at circle k buying gas and this girl in a papa johns uniform comes up and is like " I've got a bunch of extra pizzas. Large peperoni for $5." then she went to her trunk and pulled one out. It felt like a drug deal for a fat person
i wish sherlock holmes were still around today... he'd be able to find my g-spot.
You should see the damage i did to the apartment last night. So many broken things and butter sticks stuck to windows.No memorys
Bring it all. We will have a potluck of drugs. It will be magical.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
8:30 every morning in the third floor bathroom we fuck in the handicap stall. You have your morning workout and I have mine.
Worst case scenario, I put a giant cork in your vagina so you don't give birth before my birthday
Do you deliver to the black dark pit where I am? I think it's called.... The toilet? Right next to hell...
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
sarahs drunk and is drawing dinosaurs all over the apartment. should i stop her?
whats she drawing them with?
eyeliner
no that's ok
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
Woke up with a throbbing vagina and a lesbian in my bed. Then for the hell of it we had morning sex. Definitley bisexual now
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
