ive had 594 apples! thats 99 apples 6 times! math!
Did you just throw up mid-sentence?
new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
oh hey just found a glowstick in my tits. fuck yes new years eve
Just saw two dudes run across the street carrying a mini keg and a scaled model of the empire state building. Missed this town
Yah at one point i was listening to metallica and doing pushups last night. I went thru alot of emotions.
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
No, dude...I agree it's great in theory but I promise you that 80 drunk 21 year old sorority girls together in one room for formal is one of the worst drama filled ideas ever. Ever.
We can talk about your dick in my throat after a decision is made, this is my hair we're talking about. .. shit's important.
Like if it it's practical for your sexual health I'm allergic to it AKA REGULAR CONDOMS
I think we ended 5-7 relationships as well this weekend...so another good stat
My life has hit a new low, I just licked MDMA of someone's bed.
SHE MASTURBATED TO THE THOUGHT OF ME HAVING AN ALL DUDE THREESOME WITH HER EX BOYFRIENDS.
He told me he was cooking me a special dinner tonight. His "five star meal" was popcorn in champagne glasses, and chic fil a sauce in jello shot containers to dip the popcorn in. He still tries to convince me he doesn't smoke weed anymore.
When I woke up today i said I will NOT sleep with her. This morning I did the walk of shame into work wearing the same clothes... How was your Monday?
Randomize
