dude, my own friends sent me home from a party last night. real cool assholes. real cool
absolutely not. he will always be that kid that threw up a ham and cheese sandwich in fourth grade to me.
So she is eating her margarita with tortilla chips....like using her chip as a spoon
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
with your vagina and my liver, anything is possible
I just watched the lion king for the first time in years. It's like the equivalent of a really good blow job.
Just puked off the 5th floor onto a car windshield. This is my life and I'm proud of it.
Just watched a guy get through airport security with a full bottle of captain morgan. In my head the entire airport cheered.
You coulda licked the floor this morning and got drunk.
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
"I'm pretty sure all our toasts were to Ben Afflecks penis last night."
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
Give me one good reason why I should go with you.
Free beer.
..pick me up at 8.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Randomize