D3 body, D1 cock
im watching shaqs comedy special. this is how i know im not sober.
My itunes is telling me i listened to toxic by b spears 108 times last night
You know you're deprived when the only thing you taste while chewing gum is the 2 grams of sugar alcohol.
did you know that snuggie is the perfect anti-freak out aid for stoners? it weighs you down so you can't go anywhere. just sit there and enjoy the movie, that's right.
did u get his digits?
yes his name is chazbangbangbang according to my phone...
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
LinkedIn just suggested I might know the guy I caught my wife fucking.
Nah I've been there. The worst you'll see is some hobo peeing in a sewer at 3 am on a Saturday
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Seriously??? You send me boob shots with your husband and kids in them???
I found her in my pantry with her shirt off twerking...I tapped her on the shoulder and she said she was giving Chef Boyardee a show and to give her a minute...
Worst case: you're extra horny, have no control of your mouth or actions, and maybe murder someone. Child's play.
We will discuss everything tomorrow i presume. Including the sweaty naked tango.
I peed on his bed and he still likes me. #keeper
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