Happy hour is for amateurs. Been drunk since 1230. Fell asleep in a disney viewing of UP. Went to the roosevelt and drank more. Now im stumbling around the grove.
david just texted me. reply with photo of genitalia? y/n
halloween costumes for girls are easy, slutty teacher, slutty cop, slutty nurse, etc...
exactly, that's why i want something interesting
slutty neuroscientist?
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
i walked in the apt and she was vacuuming. i asked why and she said so we could have sex on the floor. i love clean freaks.
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Having skype sex with him in the lounge at 1:45am...THIS IS WHAT HE DOES TO ME
He was a bulldog and my face was like rare meat. Never again with the drunken ones.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
The doctor told me if I woke up with a broken foot and don't know how it happened, I might want to look into getting treatment.
Only you would get a date out of getting hit by a car
It's now 8:05 on a Wednesday night and I'm already going home with my bra in my purse.
Really stoned me is having a very serious, intent conversation with my mom about egg rolls and koolaid flavors.
I haven't been that free with the boobs since I was 19. I'm putting them away for a while.
If you insist
The one guy literally flopped my boob out. Yes I insist.
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Randomize