he puts the penis in happiness.
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
The worse part is i sent a text at like three that said i was getting head... Now i have no idea who's mouth has been on my dick
That's the last time we joust in Radio Flyer wagons after margarita night.
Got one of only two perfect scores in the class on the quiz I took drunk. This is not a good thing for me to have learned about myself.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
They let me out of the holding cell just in time for me to get the morning-after-pill. Rock bottom feels even worse with all those hormones.
You just begged me to mute the porn and watch her ass bounce while listening to dubstep the whole time.
we found his I.D. in the upstairs bathroom...under a towel in a hidden pile of snacks from her kitchen
I'm using her two yr old as a arm rest while I attempt to feel her up. Somehow she is allowing it. How this transitions to sex should be interesting.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
Dude, you fell into a tree, and both of the tables, AND the window well... Resilient aren't you?
yeah. i tried to refuse to leave unless the burger king himself escorted me out. that didnt fly
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